WtF wEdNesDeE?

Hey, Hon, I was jist thinkin' bout you! Sure enough, I was fixin' to give you a buzz. You always stop by at the right time. Aww, you like the new doorbell? Good, cause I got one fer you too! Folks around here has run me down nine miles of bad road and back. They 'bout knocked the shiny oft me. Let's git Baby 2.o to mix us up some Gin and juice, then we can have us a nice visit. Yep, Baby 2.0 is nice to have around. Thanks, Hon, he does look good on me, don't he? He's workin' out just fine, that there was one of my better ideas.


All the Joons is out back whackin' at WD-40 cans and playin' dodge the ice pic. So, they shouldn't bother us none for a while. Tell me how you been doin' and don't leave nothin' out. Your mama and them aright? I saw she cut her Christmas lights on. Real perty. You know, she is smart jist to leave all her decorations up all year. Tell her I asked bout her. Hope the swellin' has gone down in her ankles some and her hair is growin' back. How'd Bubba, Jr.s' parole hearin' go? Well, you holler at me soon as y'all hear.


Oh, Lawrd, Satan's still ringing my phone out my pocket. Turns out a slew of them dyslexic peoples signed up for Listmas. They thought they was loggin' onto one of Santa's websites where you was garanteed to git everythang you want. People magazine said readin' stuff wrong is a part of bein' dyslexic and Cher is one of 'em. "Satan" and "Santa" ain't far oft even fer folks that can read good. It's a big mix up but, what do you expect from the author of confusion? I know he did it on purpose, put pictures of Santa all over the website. Hell no, he's not gone let the dyslexics out of their contracts. He said no body reads the fine print, but these folks was jist a bonus. I know, Darlin', Satan is mean. He did say fer me to be sure and tell you hello and that he's real lonely. Don't fall fer it.


Hey, Hon. Let me ask you somethin'. A lot of my blogger friends got lil games they play on certain days of the week. You know, caption contests and what not. Bein' that I ain't real computer literate, I'm kindly limited on the fun we can have here. But, I been studyin' on a new idea. You tell me how you like it and be truthful now. I was gone call it "WTF Wednesdee?" I figured I could usually post it on Wednesdees, but that ain't cast in stone. Maybe I'm the only one who's got thoughts that rattle around in my mind like loose change in the dryer. What if nobody else has anything that makes 'em say "WTF?" several hundred times a day.? WTF would be up with that? Well, let's jist run it up the flagpole and see....

• PeOPle WhO aRe TyPinG LiKe ThIs. hAS AnYoNE SeEn iT bUt mE? HeLp mE uNdErsTaNd WtF iS gOinG oN hErE.




• LOLCats. I know I'm gone be steppin' on some paws here, but they don't make me LOL. Maybe, chuckle to myself. CTMCats, that's better.




• Folks who want to go on and on 'bout their busy-ness. When did bein' busy become a contest? I'd like to go on record as sayin', "You win, you are so much busier than me! No need to provide me any proof."




• Directory assistance. When I call 411 it is 'cause I am too lazy to look up a phone number in the book. Now that robot lady is gettin' so chatty with all her questions, she 'bout to be more trouble than she's worth.




• Christmas cards that is sent with the sole purpose of makin' the recipient feel like an ugly, loser livin' it abject poverty. Iffin you don't know what I'm talkin' bout, maybe you is one of the folks who send 'em out.

http://kotaku.com/5088488/second-life-marriage-ends-the-way-many-real-ones-do That is one I'm gone leave y'all to ponder. I done read it 4 times and I still don't understand. That's my short list fer the first "WTF Wednesdee". Y'all got anything to tell me, brang it on. It's open season on WTF.

I'm jist an angel with no halo...cause it messes up my hairdo.

Hey, Hon...I'm gone interupt all our Halloween festivities fer just a minite 'cause I am such a Humanitirarian . Since I am all thangs to all people -cept them folks in our country's Mid West... and the rest of the World that don't speak English....some thangs git brought to my attention that I do my damndest to shrug oft. When I can't shake it or shove it on to nobody, I just got to git it oft my own chest, and I reckon that is what I am fixin' to have to do now. I am talkin' to you out there who might feel kindly stuck in a ditch. There are a good many of you, and I am on my way with a tow truck to pull you right on out.

Darlin', I ain't tryin' to rub salt on a wound or nothin', but I know most people don't have near the perfect life I got here. I've been lucky to be blessed with a chemicological imblance where I stay upbeat and energetic when all hell is breakin' loose 'round me. Not only that, but I thank the Lawrd that He made me real hard of hearin' - that's been more a gift than I can express. Plus, He gave me this attention span so short, I can't hardly sit still though a stop sign. Hell, I forget what I walked into the bathroom for! When you add that to my drankin' problem and my non-linear thought process...not much registers with me a' tall. I will never know why He saw fit to heap such favors on me.

Folks ask me awl the time, "Eve, how can I break up the mundacity of daily livin' that plauges my every day life?" I thank a good jumpin oft point would be to qwit askin' me that question every gotdam day. But, me bein' the giver that I am, I made y'all a short list so you won't have to pester me so much. These are just some suggestions. I'm gone let y'all pick the mix.

• Fore you go to bed at night, cut one big chunk clean to the quick out the front of your hair.
  
• If you don't drank..start now! If you are worried 'bout the health risk, then give some serious thought to livin' the rest of your life like it is now. Why you so worried bout livin' a long time?
  
• On the other shoe, if you are concerned 'bout how much you drank, that is easy to fix. Switch to V-8 in your morning Bloody Marys for a health kick.
  
• Start carryin' you a shaker full of glitter and just sprinkle it 'round the place whenever thangs start to git dull. You gone be real surprised what a difference that can make.
  
• If you feel an attack of the dailies comin' on...you just stop what you are doin' and start dancin' to the best song you can find in your head. Awww, come on..you know all your favorites is there somewhere! Sing along if thangs are really lookin' grim.
  
• Every body talks to their animals. But start answering fer 'em in a voice you thank suits 'em.
  
• Y'all, finally, and maybe most important........ do somethin' nice fer somebody else at least once a day. You know that is another way that I am blessed. Bein' in the service industry and havin' a good bidness built on referalls, I git several opportunities to do that every day. Try makin' some one else happy and you will see that it makes you feel good too.

Baby, you make me happy when you come by here to see me. I sure do appreciate you and I hope you know that. Hey, Darlin', while you are up, would you mind bringin' me that pitcher of V-8 and Absolut? Fetch us two glasses, Shug. We gone git this day started oft right.