Don't call me Jesse Jackson, Jr.

Hey, Hon! How you gettin' along? I like that Christmas tree y'all made out of all them Heineken bottles stacked up in a tower. It's mighty tall , I could see it real clear from the road. Looks nice. Thanks fer doin' your part to go green. It's put me in mind to try it too. Pabst cans might not look as perty by theyselves. But we could dress ours up with all them shot gun shells the Joons done strung together. Lawrd knows we got enough cans to make a tree bigger than that one they got up there in Rockerfella Plazzer. Wonder could we git on the Today Show? I bet I could git it on that other show, The Mostly Every Day Show. I b'leeve I'm gone look into that.

Anyhoo, speakin' of Yankee doins. You been followin' that story 'bout Jesse Jackson, Jr? Well, they ain't hardly mentioned it on the news. I can brang you up to speed right qwick. That Governor up yonder in Illinois, got a real funny name, Blagxzkvqzkch -something or nother like that. Ain't got enough vowels in it to pronouce out loud. I read somewhere that this fella and his wife was the inspiration behind the characters of Tony and Carmela Soprano. Naw, that ain't what the big news is about. It' s kindly hard to read through all the quotes. They got all their expletives blocked out and it don't leave much fer readin'. These folks could embarrass Yosemite Sam. But, from what I gather, it seems he come up with the idea to sell the vacant Senate seat left by Obama. No, Darlin'.... not the chair itself. But if he's got much sense, he's sellin' that too. Blagxzkvqzkch was takin' money from politicians who wanted to be the next Senator. Course, he dusted it with powdered sugar and put a bow on it, callin' it campaign contributions and what not. You know how politicians do. I got the jist of it and that there ain't such a bad plan.

Where this fella, Blagxzkvqzch, went wrong is that he thought he was bulletproof. Most folks don't take a shine to real cocky sons of b#tches. In fact, they want to see 'em fall. Like I tell my Joons, when you make a livin' in non-traditional revenues, it don't never behoove you to mouth oft and be uppity. You got to lay low, keep your head down and be pleasant. And fer Gawd's sake, don't git too greedy. You heard of a monkey trap, ain't you , Shug? That's where a monkey puts his hand in a box to grab some candy and he can't git his hand out 'cause he done grabbed too big a fist full. Two thangs that will git you caught faster than lightin' is bein' cocky and bein' greedy. Them two is twins, you got to be vigilant against 'em. Unless you is one that likes bein' in prison.

Well, Jesse Jackson, Jr. wanted to put his hat in the ring fer this Senate seat. I would have doubled down on him winnin' . He's got a whole lot of experience bein' a politician and such. The Jackson family and the Blagxzkqzch family goes way back. They done spent heaps of time together over the years. So, Jesse Jackson, Jr. went to see Blagxkqzch at his office the other day to tell him 'bout how much he wanted that job. Jesse, Jr. seemed proud to say that he didn't send his Daddy or his brother to talk fer him, but went to see the Governor his own self. Well, I reckon so, he's a grown man fer Gawd's sake. He'll git no medal from me there and I hope he don't say that again. That didn't make him sound real bright.

Anyhoo, Jesse Jackson, Jr. was shocked and disappointed when his longtime family friend got busted fer this lil scheme he done got cocky and greedy on. It was the very day after Jesse Jr. had been to visit him. Seems all that time knowin' Blagxkqzch, Jesse Jr. never picked up on what kind of show this fella was runnin'. Now Jesse Jackson, Jr. wants his name back. Well, he can have it. I sure as hell don't want it. That daddy of his has always bugged the tar out of me. And it ain't 'cause he's black like he'd probably lead you to think. It's cause he's irritatin' and he would be no matter what color he came in. So, I reckon Jesse Jr. is a real bad judge of character and has some of the worst timin' in political history. Hmm, maybe he jist fell oft the stupid truck, but I didn't.

Hey, Shug, would you mind carryin' me down to the hospital? I'm too drunk to drive. That troll of a albatross, Jitters, is causin' a commotion. I'm gone straighten it out directly. She keeps hollerin', "Help...Help...Help....I need Help!". Aww, there ain't nothin' wrong with her, Darlin'. She's jist missin' this gotdam dog of hers I'm keepin'. Yep, that's what she named it, "Help".

WtF wEdNesDeE?

Hey, Hon, I was jist thinkin' bout you! Sure enough, I was fixin' to give you a buzz. You always stop by at the right time. Aww, you like the new doorbell? Good, cause I got one fer you too! Folks around here has run me down nine miles of bad road and back. They 'bout knocked the shiny oft me. Let's git Baby 2.o to mix us up some Gin and juice, then we can have us a nice visit. Yep, Baby 2.0 is nice to have around. Thanks, Hon, he does look good on me, don't he? He's workin' out just fine, that there was one of my better ideas.


All the Joons is out back whackin' at WD-40 cans and playin' dodge the ice pic. So, they shouldn't bother us none for a while. Tell me how you been doin' and don't leave nothin' out. Your mama and them aright? I saw she cut her Christmas lights on. Real perty. You know, she is smart jist to leave all her decorations up all year. Tell her I asked bout her. Hope the swellin' has gone down in her ankles some and her hair is growin' back. How'd Bubba, Jr.s' parole hearin' go? Well, you holler at me soon as y'all hear.


Oh, Lawrd, Satan's still ringing my phone out my pocket. Turns out a slew of them dyslexic peoples signed up for Listmas. They thought they was loggin' onto one of Santa's websites where you was garanteed to git everythang you want. People magazine said readin' stuff wrong is a part of bein' dyslexic and Cher is one of 'em. "Satan" and "Santa" ain't far oft even fer folks that can read good. It's a big mix up but, what do you expect from the author of confusion? I know he did it on purpose, put pictures of Santa all over the website. Hell no, he's not gone let the dyslexics out of their contracts. He said no body reads the fine print, but these folks was jist a bonus. I know, Darlin', Satan is mean. He did say fer me to be sure and tell you hello and that he's real lonely. Don't fall fer it.


Hey, Hon. Let me ask you somethin'. A lot of my blogger friends got lil games they play on certain days of the week. You know, caption contests and what not. Bein' that I ain't real computer literate, I'm kindly limited on the fun we can have here. But, I been studyin' on a new idea. You tell me how you like it and be truthful now. I was gone call it "WTF Wednesdee?" I figured I could usually post it on Wednesdees, but that ain't cast in stone. Maybe I'm the only one who's got thoughts that rattle around in my mind like loose change in the dryer. What if nobody else has anything that makes 'em say "WTF?" several hundred times a day.? WTF would be up with that? Well, let's jist run it up the flagpole and see....

• PeOPle WhO aRe TyPinG LiKe ThIs. hAS AnYoNE SeEn iT bUt mE? HeLp mE uNdErsTaNd WtF iS gOinG oN hErE.




• LOLCats. I know I'm gone be steppin' on some paws here, but they don't make me LOL. Maybe, chuckle to myself. CTMCats, that's better.




• Folks who want to go on and on 'bout their busy-ness. When did bein' busy become a contest? I'd like to go on record as sayin', "You win, you are so much busier than me! No need to provide me any proof."




• Directory assistance. When I call 411 it is 'cause I am too lazy to look up a phone number in the book. Now that robot lady is gettin' so chatty with all her questions, she 'bout to be more trouble than she's worth.




• Christmas cards that is sent with the sole purpose of makin' the recipient feel like an ugly, loser livin' it abject poverty. Iffin you don't know what I'm talkin' bout, maybe you is one of the folks who send 'em out.

http://kotaku.com/5088488/second-life-marriage-ends-the-way-many-real-ones-do That is one I'm gone leave y'all to ponder. I done read it 4 times and I still don't understand. That's my short list fer the first "WTF Wednesdee". Y'all got anything to tell me, brang it on. It's open season on WTF.

Y'all, Halloween falls on the 31st this year.

Hey, Darlin'....how you doin' today? Good, Hon. Sure seems like Mondee rolls round real regular like. I could swear we just had us a Monday 'bout a week ago. But, it says Mondee rat thare on the newspaper so, I guess it's back like a boomerang. I reckon my mind has been kindly truant lately 'cause Halloween damn near slipped up on us. Course, I ain't got too much more decoratin' to do since I never took the stuff down from last year. I'm always lookin' fer ways to save time like that.

You know, Babe. I am bout tarred of lookin' at punkins. Now, I don't mean no offense by that. I'm just not the type a gal who wants to be like ever body else. So here at this trailer, we gone start usin' bananas fer Halloween and I'm switchin' punkins to Christmas. Let's see iffin we can't start us a trend. Y'all up for it?