Hey, Hon...I'm gone interupt all our Halloween festivities fer just a minite 'cause I am such a Humanitirarian . Since I am all thangs to all people -cept them folks in our country's Mid West... and the rest of the World that don't speak English....some thangs git brought to my attention that I do my damndest to shrug oft. When I can't shake it or shove it on to nobody, I just got to git it oft my own chest, and I reckon that is what I am fixin' to have to do now. I am talkin' to you out there who might feel kindly stuck in a ditch. There are a good many of you, and I am on my way with a tow truck to pull you right on out.
Darlin', I ain't tryin' to rub salt on a wound or nothin', but I know most people don't have near the perfect life I got here. I've been lucky to be blessed with a chemicological imblance where I stay upbeat and energetic when all hell is breakin' loose 'round me. Not only that, but I thank the Lawrd that He made me real hard of hearin' - that's been more a gift than I can express. Plus, He gave me this attention span so short, I can't hardly sit still though a stop sign. Hell, I forget what I walked into the bathroom for! When you add that to my drankin' problem and my non-linear thought process...not much registers with me a' tall. I will never know why He saw fit to heap such favors on me.
Folks ask me awl the time, "Eve, how can I break up the mundacity of daily livin' that plauges my every day life?" I thank a good jumpin oft point would be to qwit askin' me that question every gotdam day. But, me bein' the giver that I am, I made y'all a short list so you won't have to pester me so much. These are just some suggestions. I'm gone let y'all pick the mix.
- Fore you go to bed at night, cut one big chunk clean to the quick out the front of your hair.
- If you don't drank..start now! If you are worried 'bout the health risk, then give some serious thought to livin' the rest of your life like it is now. Why you so worried bout livin' a long time?
- On the other shoe, if you are concerned 'bout how much you drank, that is easy to fix. Switch to V-8 in your morning Bloody Marys for a health kick.
- Start carryin' you a shaker full of glitter and just sprinkle it 'round the place whenever thangs start to git dull. You gone be real surprised what a difference that can make.
- If you feel an attack of the dailies comin' on...you just stop what you are doin' and start dancin' to the best song you can find in your head. Awww, come on..you know all your favorites is there somewhere! Sing along if thangs are really lookin' grim.
- Every body talks to their animals. But start answering fer 'em in a voice you thank suits 'em.
- Y'all, finally, and maybe most important........ do somethin' nice fer somebody else at least once a day. You know that is another way that I am blessed. Bein' in the service industry and havin' a good bidness built on referalls, I git several opportunities to do that every day. Try makin' some one else happy and you will see that it makes you feel good too.
Baby, you make me happy when you come by here to see me. I sure do appreciate you and I hope you know that. Hey, Darlin', while you are up, would you mind bringin' me that pitcher of V-8 and Absolut? Fetch us two glasses, Shug. We gone git this day started oft right.
