That's a pithcer of me and ma twin, Tinsel. Does Pollock on ma shoulder make ma butt look big?

Twins Trailer Trash

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The nicest guy I never met.

Hey, Darlin...sorry I'm late, I reckon I done overslept. Let's skip the formalities this mornin'. Hand me that Knob Creek and wrinch me out a jelly glass. Thanks, Hon. Well... wakin' up in a morgue ain't unusual fer me, even with a toe tag....


I been tagged here lately by the proprietors of such fantabulous blogs as Hammy, the best friend I got in India, at http://www.hamishjoy.com/, the Gorgeous and Groovy Black Chick at http://groovyblackchick.blogspot.com/, Dan, the seriously funny guy at http://usinghumor.com/ , Dano (Loving you, and you can't stop me) at http://danomacnamarrah.blogspot.com/, Sandie, where cuteness comes to life at http://www.quirkyloon.com/. Iffin there was others, y'all let me know. My assistant's been out with the root rot, and it's wearin' me thin. I done poured burnt motor oil all over her and rubbed her down with poke salad root and she's still got it real incurable. May have to put her down. Makes me sad, she's a good ole gal, been with me a long time. Anyhoo, as usual, I was fully intendable to comply with all the instructionables to the tags as soon as my attorney returned 'em to me. Jist got lost in the shuffles.

Well, late this mornin' I woke up at the morgue again. I got a lot a friends down yonder since I used to collect Baby 1.0 up there quite regular due to his necrolepsy. But this time was a smidge different. There was a tag tied real dainty on my right toe with with a pink satin ribbon. Had the sweetest note penned so perfect on it, like a english teacher done wrote it. And it looked like one of my fans at the morgue gave me a pedicure in my slumber too, awwww.


Well, the note was from a fella that has a real special place in my cavernous heart-o- gold. He calls hiself the Crochety Old Man. I ain't never been one to blow nobody's cover. I reckon I won't commence now. He runs a real popular comedy show from Jersey at http://crotchety-old-man-yells-at-cars.blogspot.com/. Claims to be some old man, but he looks just like cuddly baby to me. Long as you don't git between him and his television, he don't do too much hollerin' neither. To tell it straight, he's jist 'bout the nicest guy I never met. Now says here I'm to tell y'all 8 thangs you didn't know 'bout me. I'm gone have to dig deep fer that....

  1. I have phantom pains from my soul amputation.

  2. I won not one, but two, Benz' in Vegas.

  3. Baby 1.0 is in the trunk of the other Benz.

  4. I would be willin' to bet that he's still livin'. I put three good sized breathin' holes in the back fore I slammed it shut.

  5. Baby 1.0 is available in the parkin' lot of the Big Texan Steak Ranch and Hotel on I-40 in Amarrillo. He ain't got no I.D. I left a Louis duffel with 20G's in there with him. He's a talker now...but Gawd, he's perty. You can have him. Tell him I said, "Hey, Hon." (That's my soul itchin' there.)

  6. I am President of my Joons P.T.A. at We're Better Than You Academy. Have been 6 years in a runnin' now.

  7. I also been honored as Bidness Woman of the Year more times than I can count. I'll git back to you with the stats when my girl recovers from the root rot, iffin she does.

  8. Of all my husbands, my happiest memories is when I was married to the Devil. Course, I didn't call him that, still don't. We had a lot of good times, but the bad times was hell. My allimony from him alone is 'bout a million dollars a month. Plus he pays all my health insurance, includin' dental. He really ain't such a bad guy, y'all. He can seem like a angel at times, he's still got that flair.. The late actor, James Dean, was a washed out take on his looks. And talk 'bout a sense a humor...sure he's older, but he don't show it none. Sometimes I wonder why I left him.

Well, I don't want to yammer on with my mundacities. Sorry I couldn't come up with nothin' more rivetin'. I ain't one of them Hollywood glamour types. I reckon you know me perty well by now, what you see is what you git. I sure appreciate you spendin' time with me here at the trailer. It always makes me happy to see you smile. Iffin anybody goes to check on Baby, give me holler, will you?

31 comments:

Chica said...

Ya cracked me up with yo number one gal. I just love this place. :)

Hale McKay said...

Well. Dem's eight thangs 'boutcha we'd never want to ask.

Sounds like you had a blast in Lost Wages from previous posts.

The Muse said...

What a way to end my day!

Signs of Life said...

Hey Eve,

Found you on Entrecard, just love your blog. My mamma was raised in Lumberton ,MS - close to Hattisburg. How far are you from there? I guess I could look it up on a map, but I'm too lazy right now :( My sister was born on the Air Force Base in Biloxi. Anyway, I'm in NC now, but we visit family in MS every couple of years. Just wanted to say hi and tell you I enjoy your blog.

Monica
My Signs of Life
http://mysignsoflife.today.com/

Dan Brantley said...

I usually spell "Danno" with two Ns and who wants to stop you?

Adullamite said...

Crochety cuddly??????

Thinkinfyou said...

I always learn something new about you,Interesting Eve.

eve cleveland said...

Chica...
Sometimes its shootin' pains like a contraction. Other times it just itches. I was just thinkin bout you and your boys this mornin'. How y'all gettin' along?
Eve

QuirkyLoon said...

I loved the toe tag and that's it is not unusual for you to wake up that way and...

Baby No. 1 is in the trunk of the benz!!!

Oh my heck! You are a funny one!

eve cleveland said...

Hale...
You know me...sort of an open book policy here.
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Muse...
I got a way of puttin' folks to sleep.
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Monica...
Well, y'all stop by the Won Ton Estates anytime. You are just as welcome as rain, Hon. Always glad to see a pretty face here.
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Dan..
This Dano got an Irish jig goin'...steps out on me from time to time, but can't shake me.
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Adulamite..
You must a forgot to feed him a marshmallow.
Eve

eve cleveland said...

T..
Well, only 'cause different stuff happens damn near every day.
Eve

Brian said...

Eve, love the blog. You have some fun stuff and you're an interesting one. Keep up the unique and engaging stuff.

eve cleveland said...

Quirkster...
Go git baby 1.O, he's a real pleasure to have around, specially iffin you're hard a hearin. You can have the money and the Benz too. Give me a txt if you have any trouble jimmin' the trunk. I'll walk you threw it.
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Brian,
Gee, thanks, it's jist another Mommy blog.
Eve

Kristen said...

Love #6
Do you have a bumper sticker too?

Jeffman said...

I do hope baby 1.0 doesn't come back to haunt you, especially when I'm this close to mastering the art of the motorised flying vehicle and finally whisking myself over there to be at your side.

For reasons I can't divulge here, one sniff of a policeman will mean I shall have to perform a sharp U-turn beat a hasty retreat.

Da Old Man said...

Jist another mommy blog!!!

That may be the funniest thing ever written.

nikkicrumpet said...

I must say that was the most clever and down right funniest lead in to a tag that I've ever read...in fact I'm pretty sure that's the funniest tag in total that I've ever read. And quit tempting me with baby..him being so pretty and all..then there's the car...and now money...hmmmmmm

ettarose said...

Oh Eve, you have surpassed all I ever wanted for you. You are the damnedest funniest trailer trash talkin gal I know. You make me so proud

eve cleveland said...

Nikster....
You got your hands full with that mailman fer now, Hon! Bwhahaha. Can't wait to see how your dawgs will handle that :)
Sugar cubes with syryp,
Eve

eve cleveland said...

J'man...
Chilax,Darlin. I got your back. Besides, your country don't have extradition here.
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Ettarose,
Girl, I thank my readership would go up iffin I could git it translated into English.
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Old Man,
It sure nuff is jist another Mommy Blog. Differnt kind a Bunko and Srap-bookin' but the concept is the same as any other. I wish I could come up with somethin' more original.
Eve

AngieSS said...

Hahaha I went and got Baby 1.0. Well, I actually dumped him out at the side of the road -- cause I really only wanted the car! Thanks for the directions. :)

--you is keepin' me laughing girlfriend

eve cleveland said...

Oh, Ang....
I hope you took Baby 1.0 fer a spin first...he's a nice ride.
Eve

Chris Wood said...

Great post!

You get $1m a month from the devil? Your divorce lawyer must've been shit hot. Confirms what I've always said about lawyers & evil.

eve cleveland said...

Chris...
Let me tell you somethin'....we didn't even have lawyers. Not a cross word between us, he ain't fond of those. He's never late on a payment neither.
Eve

If Mama ain't happy...somebody's gonna get kilt.