Hey, Darlin. You aright this evenin? I'm sorry I didn't holler at you none today. It's Two -fer -Toosdee, so Won Ton had me double booked at the Golden Age...man, those geezers go through some WD-40. Then I had to teach ma Pole Dancin' class down to the Wreck Center. And it was oft to chair the P.T.O. meetin' at We Are Better Than You Academy.... I was just as busy as a one armed wall- paper hanger. Course, I was thinkin' bout you the whole time.
THINGS YOU AIN'T NEVER GONNA REGRET HAVIN' DONE
1 BUYIN' MORE LIQUOR OR BEER.
2. BRUSHIN' YOUR TEETH, OR SOMEONE ELSE'S.
3. TAKIN' YOU A B.C. POWDER.
4. FILLIN' UP YOUR GAS TANK.
5. BUYIN' MORE TOILET PAPER.
6. TRIMMIN' YOUR TOENAILS.
7. GOIN' TO THE BATHROOM.
8. NOT EATIN' ANYTHING THAT'S DONE PAST IT'S EXPIRATION DATE.
9. TOUCHIN' UP YOUR ROOTS.
10. CHANGIN' YOUR SHEETS ON THE FOLD OUT.
It's all real simple stuff, I know. But you can take every last one of 'em to the bank. So, next time you ain't sure what to do... just pick you one from this list and I gaurandamtee that you won't have to say, " I wish to Gawd I hadn't done that!" Now, what you say you and me get rip roarin' drunk, black out all the winders in your Bad Ass Nissan truck and wheel 'round town with no headlights on?