That's a pithcer of me and ma twin, Tinsel. Does Pollock on ma shoulder make ma butt look big?

Twins Trailer Trash

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

"Sorry" seems to be the hardest word. You can qoute me.

Hey, Darlin. You aright this evenin? I'm sorry I didn't holler at you none today. It's Two -fer -Toosdee, so Won Ton had me double booked at the Golden Age...man, those geezers go through some WD-40. Then I had to teach ma Pole Dancin' class down to the Wreck Center. And it was oft to chair the P.T.O. meetin' at We Are Better Than You Academy.... I was just as busy as a one armed wall- paper hanger. Course, I was thinkin' bout you the whole time.

Anyhoo, all my Joons sure took the news of my commitin' ornithological homicide real hard. I ain't sure why they got so worked. They can still see ole Foghorn on Boomerang anytime. You know, Babe, my line of work is physically demandin' but it does give me a lot of time to think. I am feelin' somethin' I reckon you'd categorize as "Killer's Remorse". That ain't been no problem for me till now. So, bein' proactive, I decided I would make up a list of things I never regret doin'-no matter how many times I done 'em. Maybe it will be of some help to you, my bein' a modern day prophet and all.


THINGS YOU AIN'T NEVER GONNA REGRET HAVIN' DONE


1 BUYIN' MORE LIQUOR OR BEER.

2. BRUSHIN' YOUR TEETH, OR SOMEONE ELSE'S.

3. TAKIN' YOU A B.C. POWDER.

4. FILLIN' UP YOUR GAS TANK.

5. BUYIN' MORE TOILET PAPER.

6. TRIMMIN' YOUR TOENAILS.

7. GOIN' TO THE BATHROOM.

8. NOT EATIN' ANYTHING THAT'S DONE PAST IT'S EXPIRATION DATE.

9. TOUCHIN' UP YOUR ROOTS.

10. CHANGIN' YOUR SHEETS ON THE FOLD OUT.


It's all real simple stuff, I know. But you can take every last one of 'em to the bank. So, next time you ain't sure what to do... just pick you one from this list and I gaurandamtee that you won't have to say, " I wish to Gawd I hadn't done that!" Now, what you say you and me get rip roarin' drunk, black out all the winders in your Bad Ass Nissan truck and wheel 'round town with no headlights on?

15 comments:

Thinkinfyou said...

I don't know what I would do without you and all your knowledge,Eve.
You know you could really start charging people for such advice.

ettarose said...

You have to start giving me something here girl. I have to keep buying depends because you are so crazy.


I see you have a nice award up there. Too bad the one I am giving you is just like it. I am sure you won't want it.....Oh hell, come get it. :)

eve cleveland said...

T,
I been studyin' on that...let's you and me git together later and ketchup.
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Ettarose....
Awwww, girl....you know good and well I want it. Specially comin' from yew! I thank you and I am fixin' to go brag again fore I even follow the instrucskins.
Eve

Da Old Man said...

Now, Eve, what kind of radical, tree huggin, citified communist are you hanging around with who drives a Nissan truck?

eve cleveland said...

Ol Man,
Here in Petty Point, the dude's that think they is really sumthin' drive them tricked out Nissan trucks...now that's funny because..
Eve

Jeffman said...

You had me at number 1, 'Buyin more liquor or beer'.

As long as you never regret that, you've no need to care about the other nine.

eve cleveland said...

Jeffman,
I done told you we should git married. And look, you is the first red dot that ain't from America on my new fangled map I installed myself up on my site, now I got a better idea where you is at.
Eve

FANCY said...

Hello

Mine is definitely number five. *LOL*

I really appreciate that you come to my Tuesday Blog-party - hope you had fun. I hope you don't mind that I link to you from my "cottage"... ;)

eve cleveland said...

Fancy,
Your party rawked! Please link me to your cottage, Lawrd knows I couldn't dind my way there again ma own self! I'm STILL drunk.
Eve

VE said...

But I thought those expiration dates were just guidelines...

eve cleveland said...

ve,
For a man like you, survivin' all you have, they probly is.
Eve

John J Savo, the Authoring Auctioneer said...

I never regret taking a nap... Naps are always good.

eve cleveland said...

John J...
Well, Darlin' that depends on who they're with.
Eve

Mike said...

I've never brushed someone else's teeth before. I want to really bad now.

If Mama ain't happy...somebody's gonna get kilt.