"Sorry" seems to be the hardest word. You can qoute me.

Hey, Darlin. You aright this evenin? I'm sorry I didn't holler at you none today. It's Two -fer -Toosdee, so Won Ton had me double booked at the Golden Age...man, those geezers go through some WD-40. Then I had to teach ma Pole Dancin' class down to the Wreck Center. And it was oft to chair the P.T.O. meetin' at We Are Better Than You Academy.... I was just as busy as a one armed wall- paper hanger. Course, I was thinkin' bout you the whole time.

Anyhoo, all my Joons sure took the news of my commitin' ornithological homicide real hard. I ain't sure why they got so worked. They can still see ole Foghorn on Boomerang anytime. You know, Babe, my line of work is physically demandin' but it does give me a lot of time to think. I am feelin' somethin' I reckon you'd categorize as "Killer's Remorse". That ain't been no problem for me till now. So, bein' proactive, I decided I would make up a list of things I never regret doin'-no matter how many times I done 'em. Maybe it will be of some help to you, my bein' a modern day prophet and all.


THINGS YOU AIN'T NEVER GONNA REGRET HAVIN' DONE


1 BUYIN' MORE LIQUOR OR BEER.

2. BRUSHIN' YOUR TEETH, OR SOMEONE ELSE'S.

3. TAKIN' YOU A B.C. POWDER.

4. FILLIN' UP YOUR GAS TANK.

5. BUYIN' MORE TOILET PAPER.

6. TRIMMIN' YOUR TOENAILS.

7. GOIN' TO THE BATHROOM.

8. NOT EATIN' ANYTHING THAT'S DONE PAST IT'S EXPIRATION DATE.

9. TOUCHIN' UP YOUR ROOTS.

10. CHANGIN' YOUR SHEETS ON THE FOLD OUT.


It's all real simple stuff, I know. But you can take every last one of 'em to the bank. So, next time you ain't sure what to do... just pick you one from this list and I gaurandamtee that you won't have to say, " I wish to Gawd I hadn't done that!" Now, what you say you and me get rip roarin' drunk, black out all the winders in your Bad Ass Nissan truck and wheel 'round town with no headlights on?