Mama goes to the Head Master's office.

Hey, Sweetcheeks! How has your day been? Good...how's your Mama and them doing? Tell her I asked about her. I'm sorry I haven't written sooner. I finally have a few extra minutes in the stall and I thought I'd give you a shout. My day started real early. When Won Ton brought my Bloody Mary in this morning, I was up and dressed. Already lacquered my legs with that Sally Hansen Airbrush Tan-looks just like real hosiery. Splurged on some Press On Nails. Even used up what was left of my Aqua-Net and Charlie Perfume. Yep, I broke out the Miracle Bra for this meeting-it might take one. Won Ton looked me up and down and said, "Dayam, Mama! You rook hot. Why you so dlessed up? We going to War-Malt or something?" That boy always tickles me pink. I said, "No, Baby. I got to go down and see the Head Master at that upitty school all your brothers and sisters go to for free 'cause y'all are so damned smart." Won Ton said, "Awww, sh*t, what them kids did now? One of the Juniors "Duck" Tape teachel to seat again? I betta go wif you, Mama." He's just a toddler, so I don't correct him when he says "duck" tape, it's too cute. I said , "Well, all right, Babycakes. Run along and change your diaper. Fix Mama another drink while you're up Darlin', and make it a double. It's going to be a long way till noon." Truth is I'm always glad to have him with me-that toot's one stone-cold negotiator and I had no idea what lay ahead.

I went up and down the trailer spraying all the sleeping children with the garden hose- that counts as a bath in my book, Won Ton banged pots and pans behind me. Because of my heritage, I cry wolf a lot. But I mean it this time-all my young have to start hitting the deck around 2:00 a.m.- no matter how much fun we're having!. I hate to be so tough on them, but it's just pure D hell for Won Ton to get them up in the morning. After I fixed a tub full of spicy possum chili, their favorite breakfast, we all loaded up in Gutter Ball's flatbed and headed off to We Are Better Than You Academy. That's a precious picture of us Shugabone snapped. I am truly blessed to have such wonderful neighbors. Anyhoo, by the time Won Ton and I got to Dr. Uptight Pinhead-Headmaster's office, I hadn't been so nervous since the last time I saw my parole officer......

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