Growing up Wolf...

Hey, Baby! How you doin'? Glad you stopped by. You get better looking every time I see you. Guess what. No. My friend, Ettarose, from, yeah, from Humor Bloggers...how did you know? Dayam, you are really starting to catch on here, Darlin'. Anyhoo, Ettarose is having a Carnival at her place http://ettarose-edgeofsanity.blogspot.com/ I love me a carnival. Who doesn't? There is no better place to hook up with really good quality men.
Well, this one is a little different because it is a Humor Carnival.
We are supposed to write a post about how we grew up or rules our parents had. Ettarose is one of my faves, go take a look and ask that gal where my cotton candy is. I am waiting on it. Bring it here for me, would you, Hon? Then read my contribution. You are so good to me....
Now, y’all remember that I was adopted and raised by wolves in the desert of Arizona. I was their only child and they doted on me. I remember once, I wanted nutria for supper. My Father had to trek all the way to Louisiana and came back dragging a sack full of them, nice and rancid. Mother took me to howling practice and I enjoyed an idyllic childhood. My father worked in group management, and became the youngest wolf ever elected as Leader of the Pack. After his retirement, he and mother moved to Boca. He still does a little consulting. They are wonderful folks. I know I have let them down by walking upright and, for the most part, only giving birth to one child at a time. But, they have never begrudged me for my shortcomings.

At the risk of getting into civil rights violations, I’d like to broach a sensitive subject about discrimination. Since Romulus and Remus are long gone, I am uniquely qualified to address this travesty. Wolves are much maligned in fairy tales, mythology, history and pop culture. Sadly, these impressions are misrepresentations of our true nature. Somehow, we became associated with scary stuff like Werewolves and Vampires. We are met with trepidation most of the time. So, wolves tend to hang out alone or with other wolves. People misunderstand us and interpret our behavior as snobbish. Nothing could be further from the truth. Lupines are a jovial, loving, trustworthy bunch. If anyone would ever take the time to get to know us, things could begin to change. But, traditionally, nobody is ever glad to see a wolf. We know this, and it tends to hold us back. Collectively, we long for someone to walk up to one of us and say, “Hey, Hon. How’s your day going? “ When a wolf tries to initiate a conversation, the other being enivitably runs screaming. It causes many tears in our community. I urge you to take the time to get to know a wolf. Think about things from our perspective and I know you will understand. For the most part, we do not eat humans! And even if we do eat the occasional human, is that such a big deal? I mean some humans eat humans, see? We are not so different. In closing, here are a few points of wisdom I learned growing up wolf:
1. Never trust a Dingo. I'm just sayin....
2. Eat what you kill.
3. Don’t waste your breath on three pigs in a brick house.
4. Get your sheep suit custom made. And spring for the hidden zipper, it’s worth every dime.
5. Never fall for a little girl in a red cape who says she’s going to visit her Grandmother-it’s a trap!
6. For God’s sake, don’t cry, “HUMAN!”
7. Sheep are sneaky and not nearly as sweet as their P.R. firm has brainwashed to think. They have prostituted themselves with that matress ad and now have the money to spend on fancy spin campaigns.
8. Try howling at the moon, and tell me you didn't find it satisfiying.
9. Wile E. Cyote is just as funny in person as he is on his cartoon. He's so down to earth.
10. "German Shephards" are not real! Don't tell me you paid good money for one.
I hope I have shed some light on the plight of my adopted species. Please, give wolves a chance, we are not that big or bad. Thank God for Kevin Costner, who let the world know what good dancers we are...way better than bears.