That's a pithcer of me and ma twin, Tinsel. Does Pollock on ma shoulder make ma butt look big?

Twins Trailer Trash

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Growing up Wolf...

Hey, Baby! How you doin'? Glad you stopped by. You get better looking every time I see you. Guess what. No. My friend, Ettarose, from, yeah, from Humor Bloggers...how did you know? Dayam, you are really starting to catch on here, Darlin'. Anyhoo, Ettarose is having a Carnival at her place http://ettarose-edgeofsanity.blogspot.com/ I love me a carnival. Who doesn't? There is no better place to hook up with really good quality men.
Well, this one is a little different because it is a Humor Carnival.
We are supposed to write a post about how we grew up or rules our parents had. Ettarose is one of my faves, go take a look and ask that gal where my cotton candy is. I am waiting on it. Bring it here for me, would you, Hon? Then read my contribution. You are so good to me....
Now, y’all remember that I was adopted and raised by wolves in the desert of Arizona. I was their only child and they doted on me. I remember once, I wanted nutria for supper. My Father had to trek all the way to Louisiana and came back dragging a sack full of them, nice and rancid. Mother took me to howling practice and I enjoyed an idyllic childhood. My father worked in group management, and became the youngest wolf ever elected as Leader of the Pack. After his retirement, he and mother moved to Boca. He still does a little consulting. They are wonderful folks. I know I have let them down by walking upright and, for the most part, only giving birth to one child at a time. But, they have never begrudged me for my shortcomings.

At the risk of getting into civil rights violations, I’d like to broach a sensitive subject about discrimination. Since Romulus and Remus are long gone, I am uniquely qualified to address this travesty. Wolves are much maligned in fairy tales, mythology, history and pop culture. Sadly, these impressions are misrepresentations of our true nature. Somehow, we became associated with scary stuff like Werewolves and Vampires. We are met with trepidation most of the time. So, wolves tend to hang out alone or with other wolves. People misunderstand us and interpret our behavior as snobbish. Nothing could be further from the truth. Lupines are a jovial, loving, trustworthy bunch. If anyone would ever take the time to get to know us, things could begin to change. But, traditionally, nobody is ever glad to see a wolf. We know this, and it tends to hold us back. Collectively, we long for someone to walk up to one of us and say, “Hey, Hon. How’s your day going? “ When a wolf tries to initiate a conversation, the other being enivitably runs screaming. It causes many tears in our community. I urge you to take the time to get to know a wolf. Think about things from our perspective and I know you will understand. For the most part, we do not eat humans! And even if we do eat the occasional human, is that such a big deal? I mean some humans eat humans, see? We are not so different. In closing, here are a few points of wisdom I learned growing up wolf:
1. Never trust a Dingo. I'm just sayin....
2. Eat what you kill.
3. Don’t waste your breath on three pigs in a brick house.
4. Get your sheep suit custom made. And spring for the hidden zipper, it’s worth every dime.
5. Never fall for a little girl in a red cape who says she’s going to visit her Grandmother-it’s a trap!
6. For God’s sake, don’t cry, “HUMAN!”
7. Sheep are sneaky and not nearly as sweet as their P.R. firm has brainwashed to think. They have prostituted themselves with that matress ad and now have the money to spend on fancy spin campaigns.
8. Try howling at the moon, and tell me you didn't find it satisfiying.
9. Wile E. Cyote is just as funny in person as he is on his cartoon. He's so down to earth.
10. "German Shephards" are not real! Don't tell me you paid good money for one.
I hope I have shed some light on the plight of my adopted species. Please, give wolves a chance, we are not that big or bad. Thank God for Kevin Costner, who let the world know what good dancers we are...way better than bears.

21 comments:

Bill said...

Oh baby, you knocked that one OUT OF THE BALLL PARK! Especially the words of wisdom list :>)

Don said...

Great story! Like the leg...uh, tat!
Lrh.

eve cleveland said...

Bill,
You know flattery and $50 will get a long, long way with me, Honey! Thanks for the warm thoughts. Still, your entries were better. I'm happy for you. not bitter, that's the kind of gal I am.
Heart bump and peace, gansta style,
Eve

eve cleveland said...

D.
Thanks, Babe...I did that tat myself as an homage to my mother. I did one of my father too. Because of my cubicle readers, I didn't post that one in case their bosses were on patrol while they were reading me.
l.r.h.
Eve

TheFLy said...

Haha, I dont trust Dingos either. Those treacherous bastards. I think I understand your plight, I have a friend that was raised by wolves and he's a perfectly good and cool person. Although, every once in a while he'll piss on my leg, eat my raw meat without asking or take a dump in the corner of some room without telling anyone. But other than that, he's a cool dude. Sometimes when we hang out or get some drinks, he'll just howl at the moon and start telling off Dingos. Its funny.

buzz buzz

eve cleveland said...

Oh, Fly...
Give your buddy my number-please! I'm in between marriages now ;)
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Oh, Fly...
Give your buddy my number-please! I'm in between marriages now ;)
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Oh, Fly...
Give your buddy my number-please! I'm in between marriages now ;)
Eve

ettarose said...

Eve sugar, what can I say? Great story! For a wolf anyway. Thank you for the link to the carnival. Now if I can just beat a story out of the rest of them fools, I mean friends, we'll be on a roll. Kaiser roll at that.

eve cleveland said...

Ettarose,
Thanks, girlfriend. I will get on to them later and help you beat it out of em!
Loving you,
Eve

Chica said...

A wolf and a scorpion.. who'd win? hehe nice work. I adore tattoos. :)

Don Lewis said...

Nice Legs. OK. Where's my award?

The other Don (apparently)

eve cleveland said...

Chica,
The wolf is my mama, so she'd win. You know that I am a tat artist, don't you? Get your ass down here, girl.
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Don Lewis,
Hey, you! Thanks for getting here so quickly. Have a drink and I will get that baby ready for you, k? You look hot in plaid.
Eve

VE said...

Ha ha. The street I live on is called Dingo...

eve cleveland said...

VE...
You're gonna need to move, now! We have a vacancy at Won Ton Estates....
Eve

Deb said...

I have always liked wolves. Met a whole pack of them once - any relatives in New England? They sing wonderfully! Dingos on the other hand, with their diets of babies, are horrible creatures.

eve cleveland said...

Deb,
Why, yes I do. I have a cousin in New England. Her name is Eleanor Fitzpatrick and she married a Methodist Minister. We have summered there frequently. Beautiful country. Loved your photos today!
Eve

Marvel Goose said...

We'll assume that your father was a very furry wolf and leave that tat at that.

I was surprised that you left out shepherds. They are crooks. Actually, they carry crooks (staffs) with which to beat wolves around the ears.

I've been passing myself off as being raised by Opossums in the Swamps of South Georgia for years, but have never thought to write about my early life. How long is the statute of limitations for ripping off a good idea?

Marvel Goose said...

Oh yeah, one more thing. Looking at your picture (and I mean I have been looking at that picture) I was struck by the fact that your leg was shaved. Do wolves really shave their legs? Never saw that fact in National Geographic.

eve cleveland said...

Marvel Goose,
Hey there! I sure think you need to record your upbringing and I would be more than happy to help you out in any way I can. 'Bout the shaved leg, Hon. Keep in mind that I am adopted. My birth parents left me at a trash bin when I was just hours old and my adoptive parents took me in. I'm just a regular ole human. In fact, my twin sister, Tinsel, fixin' to come for a visit soon. So be sure to come back now, you hear?
Eve

If Mama ain't happy...somebody's gonna get kilt.