Won Ton over the limit.

Well, y'all won't believe what's happened now! I twittered you earlier about how I was fixing to have to ground my baby, Won Ton, from the online poker games? (If you are not following me on Twitter then you are soooo out of the loop. Click on that bugger and, hopefully, they'll figure it out for you.) Won Ton begged me and said, "No, Mama, it good money! I on a woll....you not cut me off now, Woman." It's no secret that I have a little trouble disciplining that boy. His Godfather, Kid Rock sure doesn't help me much in that department. He spoils that child like raw meat left in a car trunk! But, he's just too damn cute to whip hard enough to matter.

Anyhoo, Won Ton scored a Laundry Service Business and 20G's in this particular round. He beat out some dude by the name of Spider. I'd be willing to bet that Spider's mouth is short a few gold crowns too. I found them in the glovebox of Won Ton's Tonka Nascar. Let me warn y'all here, if you ever play Texas Hold 'Em with my baby-he does not tolerate welchers. He gets all jacked up about that, trust me.

That little toot already called Master Pinhead and got the We Are Better Than You Academy to switch my Junior and Juniorettes uniform cleaning to his account. He says, "Mama, dat bidness dere is worff 3G's a month." As his mother, I worry that he has too much on his plate already. He's just aquired our trailer complex, "Won Ton's Wheel Estates", he's got the chain of Pawn Shop/Plasma Banks, his little matchmaking service, "Won Ton's Tomatoes" and his bail bonding business, "Won Ton's Rive Flee". Won Ton is the author of every fortune cookie message you've read in the past year, he owns 17 Tattoo Parlors too. Plus he's teaching Mandarin Chinese 202 at the University (look at his lesson plan...how cute is that?). His chain of Chinese restaruants "Won Ton's Wok n Woll" is about to start selling franchises. He is very, very busy and misses his afternoon nap almost everyday! He's only 18 months old and not even potty trained. How can he manage yet another business? I'm afraid he is spreading himself too thin. He is so driven and such a perfectionist. As soon as he fixes us a pitcher of Bloody Marys we are going to sit down and have a serious chat. Iam going to have to put my foot down here. I'll let you know how it goes.

Bailey's and coffee in a sippy cup

Magically, a repressed looking woman in a matted gray cardigan appeared carrying a silver tray topped with my double Bloody Mary and a sippy cup of Bailey's and coffee for Won Ton. She quietly placed two crystal ashtrays in front of us and swept up the ashes and butts Won Ton and I had left on the carpet of the Head Master's office. I could learn to like it here. "We'll take another round when you get a chance, Hon." I said as she left.
Deciding to take the bull by the horns I asked Pinhead, "Is this about my sending beer in the kids lunches?" Won Ton piped up,"I hope you not waste pleciuos time carring us doln hele to tark about Micherob Urta. Dat shiz rike soda pop, Buddy!" Pinhead immediately replied,"Oh, no that's not why I called you down here. The staff is always intrigued with your choice of um..food and beverage items included in all your children's lunches. In fact, I've grown quite fond of the packing peanuts and broken light bulbs you send for snacks! What a great way to recycle."
I was flattered by that and told him it was all in the seasonings. "Well, next time I bake I will bring you a shoebox,those are my specialty." He seemed pleased so I continued,"O.K. so is this about the mean note I got from the Academy about how nakedness will no longer be counted as an excused absence? It had some jibberish about them all losing their academic scholarships....I'll get it out of the birdcage and re-read when we go back to the trailer if I'm not too hammered."
Pinhead looked alarmed and the clogged veins in his neck stood out-we might have a bingo here! He said, " I am so sorry that letter went out, it was a mistake. We would never renig on the full ride academic scholarships we offer for all your children. Their genius level I.Q.s and perfect test scores combined with their sheer volume have put We Are Better Than You Academy at the top of the nation's finest schools. We live in fear that the recruitment tactics employed by other institutions will rob us of their presence here. I know it must be difficult for you to keep up with all the laundry they generate. Still, we must comply with state guidelines on truancy...."
This didn't sound good. Won Ton said, "Pinhead, the selvice hele is tellible! Whele dose dlinks we asked fol?" As if on que, here came that drab little woman again with another round. She looked more like a librarian than a cocktail waitress to me. "As I was saying," Pinhead droned on,"the school is prepared to assist you with the daunting task of washing and drying all your children's uniforms. From now on, we will provide laundry and pressing service for all of them and have their clean uniforms ready and waiting for them each day here at the Academy. Free of charge to you, of course. As for little Won Ton here, we look forward to his enrollment and are prepared to amend our dress code to accomodate his decision not to wear clothing other than a diaper."
Polishing off the last of my drink I said,"Well, that is mighty kind of y'all. Thanks for your help. It's not easy being a single mother, especially with my drinking problem. Hey, I'd love to stay and chat but I've got a photo shoot with Spank Bank magazine and need to get waxed first. So, if that will be all, I'm going to write several prescriptions. I'd like to start you on an A.C.E.inhibitor,that works better on diabetics than a beta blocker, a good diuretic and, obviously some Lipitor. I also strongly suggest you schedule an E.K.G. immediately." Setting the prescriptions down on his desk along with 5 bucks for that crappy waitress, Won Ton and I turned to leave. Pinhead said,"Actually, there is one more thing I'd like to discuss. If you are free tonight, perhaps we could have dinner?" That didn't go over well with Won Ton who said,"Flee? Flee? How dale you insurt my Mama-she nevel flee! Don't make me cut you, Mistel."