That's a pithcer of me and ma twin, Tinsel. Does Pollock on ma shoulder make ma butt look big?

Twins Trailer Trash

Thursday, November 13, 2008

We're still in Vegas but..Baby's in time out.


Hey, Y'all...I'm sorry I been a lil out of pocket.... Lost Vegas will do that to a gal. I tell you what...they got it rigged so you can't tell iffin it's daylight nor dark-thirty here. Not that it matters too much...time ain't linear here. You may recall that I left Baby in the bath full of Mr. Bubbles with his Etch-a-Sketch and the whole min-bar in a tub of ice set right beside him. I had to go out fer some bidness development. Everythang was jist fine...caught up with some old friends I hadn't seen in 7 dawg years and we got to visitin'. One thang led to 'nother, like it usually does, and I ended up at a Penthouse party where they was needed a few extra hands on deck. Let me jist say that iffin Viagra was 'round when I got into this bidness, my rates would be a whole lot different.
Everybody likes to claim that time is money, but in our industry we ain't jist whistlin' Dixie. Another thang 'bout my chosen profession is that the work don't keep...it's all time sensitive and I've got a tight schedule. Last night, the shiny had worned oft me my heart jist wasn't in it. I wanted to git back to see 'bout Baby.




But, I still had a lot to do. So, I cowgirled up and had to put in some over time but , as always, I got it all done. I was more than ready to get dressed and leave but, even with my WD-40 and 80lb. test line, I could not git that outfit back on. Partly 'cause I couldn't find some of it. That place looked like the Ho chee min trail. Anyhoo, lucky fer me, Las Vegas is the kind of place where you can catch a cab wearing nothin' but three Crown Royal bags. There ain't a sould there that's gone look at you twiced- in a bad way. Probably 'cause I look dayum good in purple and folks here ain't real judgemental.


When finally limped back to the suite, I had one of my sinkin' feelins. There was water and bubbles seepin' out from under the door. When I opened it, I got soaked up to my ankles. That was kindly refreshin'. Guess what. No. Baby.... he fell asleep in the tub and forgot to cut the water oft. I shouldn't have left him fer that long. Gawd love him. It jist broke my heart to see him weep and moan about his Guitar Hero and Donkey Kong bein' ruint. 'Course I already got new ones bein' sent up to our fresh suite. Iffin he wasn't so drunk, I am perty sure he would be upset 'bout the $1,000s of dollars I'll be payin' the hotel in property damage too. Baby bein' unhappy makes me uncomfortable, and not in a pleasant way. He's got him a bit of a temper. Even I find him hard to handle when he gits like that and I'm a professional. 'Course, I wasn't a bit mad 'bout him driftin' oft, he's one of them necroleptics..sleeps like a gotdam corpse. But, he did have to face some consequenses fer his attack of the fury. Don't worry too much, I went easy on him.


I was so tarred, I barely got him handcuffed to the bed. He's the type you got to use two pair on, you know, one set on each wrist. When I take that duct tape oft his mouth here directly, I got to do it real slow. I hate that ugly mark it leaves when you jist rip it, don't you? He's takin' a lil catnap now. I thank he'll be feelin' better when he wakes up. I got a surprise fer him....show tickets. Naaawww, I'm not gone tell y'all which show. You might let it slip! The handcuffs are a hint...I 'll tell you after he gits up, O.K? Now, I'm gone take me shower. After last night, I need to git scrubbed down like Meryl Streep in that movie, Silkwood. I'm gittin' too old fer this. I will holler at y'all later.

19 comments:

Da Old Man said...

You are sure doing Vegas right.

Chica said...

As long as they ain't the fuzzy handcuffs, your doin' something right. lol Fuzzy handdcuffs are for wimps, and you m'dear are not a wimp. Have fun at whatever show ya'll goin' to. :)

Thinkinfyou said...

Reading about all the excitement you've got going on,makes me feel like I'm wasting my life away.
Have some fun at the show for me!!

nikkicrumpet said...

Wow...that sure isn't the Vegas I experienced...and to think all this time I've been doing it wrong!

John J Savo, the Authoring Auctioneer said...

Oh I don't think you'll ever be too old for anything...

eve cleveland said...

Old Man..
Only thang missin' here is you , Darlin...and I ain't seen a Quizno's nowhere.
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Chica...
You know I'm gone give my girl the scoop on the show, now.
Sometimes I like the fuzzy handcuffs cause they don't leave a mark but I'm not plannin' on leavin' these on too long so I went with the cold ones. I don't like Baby to have no marks on him.
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Terri..
What did I tell you? You should have come with us, Hon. I got half your clothes with me anyway. Thanks fer lettin' me bowrry 'em.
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Nikki,
Well, I know this trip has been kindly lack luster by your standards. But, I'm fixin' to let my hair down and relax a lil here, so it should pick up.
Eve

Deb said...

Da Old Man said: "You are sure doing Vegas right."

I think his dyslexia kicked in and he meant to say "Las Vegas is doing you, right?"

eve cleveland said...

John J...
You are too good to me, Shug. I wish you would haul oft and do somethin' real bad ;)
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Deb,
Girlfriend, iffin I don't go stand in the way while the Old Man is tryin' to watch his game shows...he does git a lil cornfused.
Eve

The Offended Blogger said...

Well, like they say, what happens in Vegas should stay in Vegas and since I'm heading there in two weeks YOU should be stayin' there to wait for me.

I'll bring a whole suitcase full of Crown Royal bags. ;)

Broke But Still Drinking said...

Do you ever hold auditions to replace baby or do you always tote around the same one? I'd be great at sitting around while you go off to work and you wouldn't even need handcuffs if you left a case of beer in the fridge.

Anonymous said...

Glad you're having a great time. I got my eye on the old homestead fer ya too. Jes in case by chance y'all git a visiter or sumpin'. Later K? lrh

AngieSS said...

LOL That's the great thing about Vegas, baby -- you can get away with anything! Now don't forget and leave him handcuffed to the bed. :)

raiduel said...

Hey, when you get back from Vegas your painting should be waiting for you.

The American Painter said...

Hey, when you get back from Vegas your painting should be waiting for you.

The Muse said...

Ok, so now I see ...you are the genius behind the tagline..."What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas"! LOL

If Mama ain't happy...somebody's gonna get kilt.