Hey, Y'all...I'm sorry I been a lil out of pocket.... Lost Vegas will do that to a gal. I tell you what...they got it rigged so you can't tell iffin it's daylight nor dark-thirty here. Not that it matters too much...time ain't linear here. You may recall that I left Baby in the bath full of Mr. Bubbles with his Etch-a-Sketch and the whole min-bar in a tub of ice set right beside him. I had to go out fer some bidness development. Everythang was jist fine...caught up with some old friends I hadn't seen in 7 dawg years and we got to visitin'. One thang led to 'nother, like it usually does, and I ended up at a Penthouse party where they was needed a few extra hands on deck. Let me jist say that iffin Viagra was 'round when I got into this bidness, my rates would be a whole lot different.
Everybody likes to claim that time is money, but in our industry we ain't jist whistlin' Dixie. Another thang 'bout my chosen profession is that the work don't keep...it's all time sensitive and I've got a tight schedule. Last night, the shiny had worned oft me my heart jist wasn't in it. I wanted to git back to see 'bout Baby.
But, I still had a lot to do. So, I cowgirled up and had to put in some over time but , as always, I got it all done. I was more than ready to get dressed and leave but, even with my WD-40 and 80lb. test line, I could not git that outfit back on. Partly 'cause I couldn't find some of it. That place looked like the Ho chee min trail. Anyhoo, lucky fer me, Las Vegas is the kind of place where you can catch a cab wearing nothin' but three Crown Royal bags. There ain't a sould there that's gone look at you twiced- in a bad way. Probably 'cause I look dayum good in purple and folks here ain't real judgemental.
When finally limped back to the suite, I had one of my sinkin' feelins. There was water and bubbles seepin' out from under the door. When I opened it, I got soaked up to my ankles. That was kindly refreshin'. Guess what. No. Baby.... he fell asleep in the tub and forgot to cut the water oft. I shouldn't have left him fer that long. Gawd love him. It jist broke my heart to see him weep and moan about his Guitar Hero and Donkey Kong bein' ruint. 'Course I already got new ones bein' sent up to our fresh suite. Iffin he wasn't so drunk, I am perty sure he would be upset 'bout the $1,000s of dollars I'll be payin' the hotel in property damage too. Baby bein' unhappy makes me uncomfortable, and not in a pleasant way. He's got him a bit of a temper. Even I find him hard to handle when he gits like that and I'm a professional. 'Course, I wasn't a bit mad 'bout him driftin' oft, he's one of them necroleptics..sleeps like a gotdam corpse. But, he did have to face some consequenses fer his attack of the fury. Don't worry too much, I went easy on him.
I was so tarred, I barely got him handcuffed to the bed. He's the type you got to use two pair on, you know, one set on each wrist. When I take that duct tape oft his mouth here directly, I got to do it real slow. I hate that ugly mark it leaves when you jist rip it, don't you? He's takin' a lil catnap now. I thank he'll be feelin' better when he wakes up. I got a surprise fer him....show tickets. Naaawww, I'm not gone tell y'all which show. You might let it slip! The handcuffs are a hint...I 'll tell you after he gits up, O.K? Now, I'm gone take me shower. After last night, I need to git scrubbed down like Meryl Streep in that movie, Silkwood. I'm gittin' too old fer this. I will holler at y'all later.