That's a pithcer of me and ma twin, Tinsel. Does Pollock on ma shoulder make ma butt look big?

Twins Trailer Trash

Friday, November 14, 2008

Criss Angel, still re-invetin' the tire.


Hey, Darlin'! In case you suffer from memoro-geographicological impediment, like I do, let me hit refresh fer you and say that Baby and me is still in Lost Vegas. He finally came to and I told him 'bout the big surprise I done cracked some whips to git fer him. Yep, the show tickets, you sharp as a tic tac, Shug. Hang tight, I am fixin' to tell you bout the show. Pass me them Marlboro's, would you, Hon? And, while you are up, hand me that bottle of gin.



I got Baby all dolled up and took him to see the character from his favorite TV show...Oh naww, not Spongebob. I couldn't git tickets, even I ain't got that kind a stroke. I reckon this is Baby's B team show. It's program on the plastic scream called Criss Angel Mindf#ck. Have you heard tell of it? It's a children's show, where he does cute, lil magic tricks and what not. It airs on the A$E network. Yeah, that's the dude. He's got a precious, freshly exhumed look goin' and some real nice abs. His show is real popular 'cause the audience has a collective IQ hoverin' round forty deuce, makin' my Baby their target audience despite his age.



Anyhoo, Baby looked so good in his new finery...I could have eaten him with a spoon. It was nice to see him in a shirt without his name embrodried on the pocket. Oft we went to the Luxor to see this "Criss Angel- Believe".Y'all know I don't follow T.V. 'cause I can't git far enough away from ours to really see it, but I listen to it. I got a real good idea of what this series is about. This fella pulls threadbare stunts like sawin' hiself in half, lightin' hiself on fire, strappin' on chains and jumpin' in a pool of sharks, shiskabob prongs through the ear canal, levitatin', stickin' his hand through folks, strollin' through fan blades, escapin' from jail while nekkid.... and the timeworn standby, walkin' on water. His mama is a regular on the show. She hovers nearby in sackcloth and ashes.... wailin', gnashin' teeth, wringin' kleenex in her frosty fingernails and pushin' her glasses back on her Grecian pofile. It is perty powerful to watch. Baby really enjoyed hiself and the audience was enraptured. It made it real easy fer me to snatch of their wallets, so it wasn't a total waste of time fer me.



But, it did make me question some of the decisions I've made as a Mama. That A$E network approached me first 'bout me and the Joons havin' that show. The pitch was "Eve Cleveland and the Tethered Angels" and it was gone run opposite America's Funniest Home Videos. This was several years ago, and I really didn't thank there was much of an audience fer the kind of good, clean family fun that my kids and I enjoy at the trailer. Mistakenly, I figured all the ignorant folks watchin' TV at that time was watchin' AFV. I never told nobody 'bout it, I jist turned 'em down and carried on with our other bidness opportunities. Now, I wonder iffin I made a mistake. Y'all know how hard I try to do the right thang by all my Joons. They come first to me in all I do. I feel so bad now, that I thank I'm gone call home and see iffin they noticed I'm gone. I left 'em plenty of packin' peanuts, light bulbs and bar soap, so I know they ain't goin' hungry. There is lots of ammo and I left wads of cash and car keys, and prescription drugs, but still, they may need me. I reckon that I am missin' them lil buggers. I'm 'fraid I've failed 'em by not gettin' 'em that show on the A$E. Iffin I still had a soul, I think it would hurt right now. Yep, it's time to head home. So, soon as I play another couple rounds of black jack, Baby and me is leavin' Vegas. That is jist the kind of Mama I is.

23 comments:

The Muse said...

Oh good golly LOL LOL
ROFLMPatootie OFF...AGAIN !!! LOL

You utterly slay me! LOL
Oh, best wishes on that last round of cards! LOL

eve cleveland said...

Hey, Muse..
So happy I could be of service to you. Drop in anytime!
Eve

John J Savo, the Authoring Auctioneer said...

"He's got a precious, freshly exhumed look..."

That's funny right there...

Chica said...

Totally ACE! I LOVE LOVE LOVE Criss Angel, not only is he hot on the eyes, he's a fantastic illusionist. your so lucky to have seen him in person. :D

Jeffman said...

"Eve Cleveland and the Tethered Angels" - I likes the sound of that. Don't suppose there's a pilot you can ship across to me?

Hats off, as well, to swiping the wallets. That's what I like, a woman who sees an opportunity (or in this case someone else's poke) and takes it. Carp diem.

Thinkinfyou said...

I've always loved Magic,and I'll admit I've gotten sucked into watching Kris Angel a time or two,but let's keep that a secret between you and I.OK?

eve cleveland said...

John J...
Thanks,Babe.That means a lot from you.
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Chica...
Anytime you want to meet him you jist let me know and I will hook my girl up.
Love you,
Eve

eve cleveland said...

J'Man..
Darlin',you know I use my time wisely and multi-task whenever possible. I see can I dig up a copy of the pilot and send it to you.
Cheers,
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Terri...
Girl, there are two kinds of folks in the world. Those who love magic and those who won't admit they love magic. Next time you come to the trailer, I'll git the Joons to show you some real tricks!
Hearts and Bunnies,
Eve

VE said...

Now Eve...put all those mail strippers back...you know what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Besides, they'll charge you for extra baggage at the airlines...

Da Old Man said...

Is blackjack the one where you say "Go Fish" if you don't have any 3's?

eve cleveland said...

VE...
Honey. I got more that I can wrangle with Baby here..he has got me pulled backward through a keyhole. I'm goin' home to git some shut-eye.
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Old Man...
You are mighty close, Darlin'...it does have somethin' to do with 3x7 anyway you can git it. I'll be over directly to tell you more 'bout it in person, how does that sound? I been missin you real hard.
Eve

Anonymous said...

Dear Eve,
I know Vegas will miss you...you added such a touch of class to the joint. I figured someone who has had as many chilluns as you must have a strong maternal instinct, and would need to get home. You probly don't remember me, but we was married in the 90's and we dated for two hours last night.
I'll miss you.
Free Wheeler

eve cleveland said...

Free Wheeler..
Hon, I'd like to remember you, but you gone have to give me more to go on than that. Work with me here, Darlin'.
Eve

nikkicrumpet said...

The stuff that is in your head....it must be such a fun place to live! You totally cracked me up with this one. You girl are just too funny for your own good!

Anonymous said...

OK Eve,
A little more help. Mos' folks call me Bominicious.
Free Wheeler

eve cleveland said...

Nikki,
Living in my head is fun, but it does git a bit crowded in here! That skinny B*tch in the corner pipes up and tries to tell us all what to do every once in a while. She is such a buzz kill.
Eve

Lidian said...

I think they may offer you that show again, it sounds like a hit to me!

Anonymous said...

I'm really into Chris Angel. That dude is amazing! I watch him on A$E all the time. I think you know that though:).

eve cleveland said...

L..
You know lightin' does strike twiced at our trailer all the time!
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Anonymous,
There really aren't many people out there like you...you are special.;)
Eve

If Mama ain't happy...somebody's gonna get kilt.