That's a pithcer of me and ma twin, Tinsel. Does Pollock on ma shoulder make ma butt look big?

Twins Trailer Trash

Monday, November 17, 2008

Baby 2.0






Hey, Darlin. How you doin' today? Your Mama and them gettin' along aright? Well, tell her I asked 'bout her. Lawrd knows I am pleased as punched to be back at the trailer with perty much all my Joons. Awww, don't fret, we gone find the rest of 'em directly... soon as I steady my nerves a bit. Ain't but 4 or 5 of 'em missin' -not bad fer me bein' gone long as I was. Hand me them nerve pills and that flask on the nightstand, Shug. I tell you what, that is one hell of a drive from Vegas to Mississippi. Oh, yeah, I won that there Merecedes out yonder. Nice, ain't it? Yep, you can take it to the quarry to hunt fer them kids.


Lot of y'all, that don't know me too good, ask me why on Gawd's green Earth I would want to drive to Vegas instead of flyin'. Flyin' don't bother me none a'tall -when I got my own plane or someone else's. Right now, I'm in betwix private jets. But, commercial airlines and me jist don't jeehaw. First, you got to deal with airport security. Well, that rat there is a deal breaker, Darlin'. I don't go to my mailbox without at least a glock. Then there is the strict adherence to schedulin' at commercial airports. When they say they is leavin' at such and such a time...they mean it! I have my life to live, and I find their schedule rigid and cumbersome. They'd do better with me to have a window of say 15-20 minutes followed by a last call. Then they could text me and honk once or twiced before they jist up and fly oft. Sides that, I don't care for the ambiance in airports. Fer one thang, they try to embarrass those of us who still smoke by banishin' us to what can only be exstinguished as modern day gallows. They may a well force us to wear a Scarlett S. Throughout the airport the lightin' don't flatter nobody, the o'coustics is ghastly and the furniture is punative. Even the bar, normally the happiest spot anywhere, smells frantic. You can't find nobody in a good mood- they's all scurryin' round and losin' their stuffin'. Everybody keeps lookin' at them papers again and again like they gone say somethin' different this time. Y'all, words printed on paper don't change! It's jist damn near impossible to look cool in a airport- even fer me. Some airports even got different times than others. They don't say pea turkey 'bout it to nobody. How the frick are we 'spossed to know what time they decreed it there at that airport? The whole thang is jist so arbitrarial. And I miss too many bidness opportunities in the air. So, there's a snapshot of why I'd rather drive when I can't git my mitts on a private plane.



Well, 'cause I'm one of the Lawrd's favorites, I won that lil car in Vegas. So, Baby and me stuffed 'em full of all our loot and oft we went headin' back home. Now, ya'll know that I normally don't drive because it impairs my drinkin'. That is one of the thangs I keep Baby 'round fer. You know I love him unconditional, on account of his looks. He is the most gorgeous creature Gawd ever made. But he really can git on my last nerve with all his chattin'. Onst we was on the road, I quickly realized I should have made him wear the duct tape over his mouth as usual. My left ear was bleedin' by the time we hit Albuquerque. Then his necrolepsy kicked in and we had to pull over for him to take one of his cat naps. I jist sat there and drank. I do some of my best thankin' while he is asleep. Seems like I remembered him tellin' me that he got hiself a twin brother. That's the kind of information that sticks with me. This twin of his was rendered mute in a timely weed-eater accident. Iffin I recall correctly, that brother of his lives in Amarillo. Heyall, that is right on our way.


When Baby woke up, I asked him iffin his twin was necroleptic too. Good news fer me, that was the only way their mama could tell 'em apart. Further investigation revealed there ain't no chance of him regainin' his speech neither. Just to confirm, I asked Baby, "The only difference between you and your identical twin brother is that he don't fall out asleep like a corpse at inopportune times and he is hopelessly mute?" After Baby waxed on affirmative, I made arrangements fer us to meet Baby's twin brother at the Big Texas Steak Ranch and Hotel on I-40 in Amarillo. It was real sweet to see those brothers united. Baby would be glad to tell you 'bout it, but he ain't said much since Amarillo and he don't seem a bit sleepy neither. The Lawrd works in mysterious ways, don't He?

20 comments:

Chica said...

LOL You have the opposite problem I do then, my man won't talk when he drives, unless I initiate a convo, or some light bulb goes off lol.

Hope ya made it home safe. :)

Da Old Man said...

Nice of you to arrange a family reunion like that.

nikkicrumpet said...

LOL you are a bad bad bad girl! Swappin brothers like that just might be illegal in some states! The whole airport thing had me laughing good. Too funny

eve cleveland said...

Old Man..
Family values is still important..to me anyway.
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Nikki..
Oh, Hon.. a lil square dancin' is good fer everybody now and then;)
Eve

Thinkinfyou said...

LOL! Maybe you're the cure for Narcolepsy.

Kristen said...

I don't mind flying either but it just doesn't seem natural for something that big to be that high.
Congrates on the car

eve cleveland said...

K'...
Girl..you are right as usual. I also don't like to be trapped in thangs I can't git out of. That's why I ain't never been on a cruise. The car is nice and the Joons are havin' fun doin' donuts in the parkin'lot.
Eve

Anna Lefler said...

Eve, you slay me.

And I'm with you - I'd take a road trip over an airport experience any day...

Thanks for becoming a follower on my blog - I really appreciate that!

XO

Anna

Chris Wood said...

"I quickly realized I should have made him wear the duct tape over his mouth as usual"


Brilliant!

eve cleveland said...

Anna..
Girl..You tickle me too! We need to plan a girls trip.
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Chris,
That's the good thang bout Baby 2.0 Duct tape takes up a whole lot of room in a gal's purse and I don't have to tote it with me now.
Eve

John J Savo, the Authoring Auctioneer said...

I can't imagine that you would look bad in any light.. even airport light.

The Grandpa said...

I was just getting ready to say you won't have to carry the duct tape any more and you beat me to it. Great post. And thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving a comment. Come back any time.

AngieSS said...

LOL So let me get this straight -- you get to go to Vegas, you get a mute twin brother, and you win a car! Jesus you are so lucky. I'm takin' you on my next trip to "V" baby!

Glad you are back safely. :D

eve cleveland said...

Awww, John J...
You Savo boys always know what to say.
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Grandpa...
Thanks for stoppin' by! I'll see you toosdee at the Golden Rage.
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Ang...
Girl, truth is I won two cars. Baby 1.0 is in the trunk of the other one in Amarillo. Do you want him?
Eve

The Muse said...

Well welcome back to the Trailer Park...we have missed you...and oh yes...I know who took the pink flamingos from your yard...! LOL

horatio salt said...

ever try writing a novel? your 'voice' is uniquely captivating. damn near hyp-mot-izin', grrl.

If Mama ain't happy...somebody's gonna get kilt.