Look a here.....Y'all ain't never seen me mad. Let me tell you what, it don't flatter me none a'tall. Don't flinch, I'm not there yet, but I can see it from here , and I feel mad comin' on.....Course, I'm not mad at you, Darlin'. Can't imagine you ever settin' me oft, long as you do what I tell you to. I love spendin' time with you. It's them other people, or the lack of 'em, that put a bee in my bonnet.
You recall, yesterdee when I told you I done uploaded that map over yonder to the right - with my own bare hands? That there is some fancy contraption that colors in red where folks have sense enough to read my blog... go head on and take you a peek. I'll wait. .....back now, Babe? See what is gettin' me in a tizzy? Just look at America...what in the hell is wrong with some parts of this country? I got two bald spots in the U.S.A! Ain't nobody there gettin' the kind of advice and wisdom they need. Help them find me. They is lost as geese out there.
Now, I got lots of other bald spots on the whole map of the world, I know. But that don't bother me none. Them folks is always asleep durin' the daytime and the majority of don't 'em speak English no way. The ones that do already read this blog...see them red dots? But my fellow brethren, right here in America ,who are not benefitin' from my blog, well, that ain't right. This country is in trouble, my map makes it pretty damn clear why. We got to ban together now. Here's what I'm gone do, and I need your help to do it. In a spirit of brotherly love, we will assume that these poor folks is just unaware that my blog is settin' here waitin' on them. Truth be known, it is perty hard to find, way out in the country like it is. And it don't help matters much that I'm lackin' all the buttons, links and gadgets available to bloggers who are savvy enough to download 'em. That's why I am so gotdam proud of my map-it's the one thing I been able to git up. No comments from the Joons, please. Anyhoo, we is failin' to get the word out without usin' the internet as a crutch -we don't need it! We can git this done on our own.
Y'all, if you don't tell your friends and family in these bald spots to look a here and color in all of America real shortly....I'm fraid I'm gone have to snatch our only new fangled gadget. I am far too great a humanitarian to be reminded that nobody in Colorado, Indiana, Ohio, Oregon, Wisconsin or the Dakotas is makin' life changes due to me. Shoot, I ain't even got nobody in Nevada, for Gawd's sake! Them of all peoples would be lovin' me. If you are a history buff, you know they are the ones that invented prostitution. Nevada is fixin to make me git up oft this recliner and go over there....
I don't mean to sound like I don't appreciate you, because I surely do. You know I love you, Shug. But fer the first time in my life, I am settin' here at the trailer tryin' to cook up a scheme to help the out the Yankees.... this map ain't good fer me, y'all. But I am willin' to leave it up there for a bit longer than one day for the sake of our beloved country, iffin you will do your part. Let's us try a good old fashioned grass roots campaign and git this map colored in. I got high hopes and I am countin' on y'all. You better git to it, cause like I said, I can see mad from here. I don't want to have to tell y'all this twiced, aright? Turn that map red on the United States part- now. Thanks, Hon. I knew I could count on you. Come here, Darlin', you look like you could use a hug.