SpankBank Magazine and a pool full of Jell-O

Hey, Shug! Sorry that took me so long. I filled out an app for chicken chaser and was real encouraged because Bossman thought my wild goose experience was valuable. I was hoofing it back home when Jitters buzzed my iphone to ask if I'd carry her up to Hooters so she could fill out an app. (She's so frickin proud of those new store boughts!) I said no, but I'd give her a piggy-back. She moaned and groaned about going piggyback in her condition. She's only 3 months- that's hardly pregnant! I told her I had two fistfulls of chickens I'd snatched from the coop- these birds are gonna be some good eatin. Jitters yammered on about how Giggles' clown car is still in the shop and she had no way to get there. Lord knows I'm tired of totin' that gal, but she's got way too much dirt on me to piss her off. For a little person, Jitters has got a big mouth-especially when she takes out her dentures. On the way, I told her not to get too stoked up on this idea because it might be hard to wait tables when you're only 3 feet tall. I could tell she wasn't listening. She went in to Hooters and I waited outside with my flock. It didn't take long and she came out strutting. Jitters got the job and starts tomorrow! She said, "The manager thinks my height will be real advantage with their customers." That smug little troll doll-things always go her way. "What will that manager say when he realizes he has a dwarf with a belly full of triplets lumbering around?", I asked. Jitters said, "You're just jealous." She's right and I know it so I didn't say anything else the whole walk home. I finally got her off my back and set Jitters down at her doll house then trudged toward Bio Hazard Lane. My baby, Won Ton, was waiting on me in the parking lot. He was real excited and said"Mama, this dude from SpankBank Magazine called the land line. He wants to talk to you about doing a spread for them. Call him back-it might mean major jack." Won Ton has got a pretty good head business for a toddler. Plus, he mixes a mean vodka tonic. I try hard not to favor him. Anyhoo, that little toot had smoked up half my carton of Marlboro Ultra Light 100's and he didn't change his diaper all day. I couldn't get onto him too bad since he he had to keep an eye on Kid and Kracker all morning. He didn't do too great a job because those yahoos turned the pool to Jell-O again! Back in the day, Kid, Kracker and I had big times in the Jell-O pool. I guess I'm getting old because now I just think about what a b*tch it is to clean up. I'm no fun any more...... I reckon I'll give this guy, Bomb Diggity, a call back and see what's up with that. Aside from my Harvard M.B.A. and my stint as a financial analyst, I really don't have much knowledge of Banks or lending institutions. Why would SpankBank Magazine want to do a story on me? I better turn you loose for now. Some of the Juniors are playing Dodge Axe in the trailer and I don't want another mess to clean up, so I'm fixing to make them take that game outside. I told you, I'm no fun anymore.