Y'all, I jist got a press release from hell.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
CONTACT: Plutus
Hades Inc. Underworldwide Headquarters
Phone: (666) 666-6613
FAX: (666) 666 - 6660
Plutus@hotmail.com
http://www.hades.inc.com/

Hades Inc., Creator of Black Friday, Launches a New Holiday This Season

Fourth Circle, Hades December 2, 2008 - Hades Inc., creator of Black Friday, is pleased to announce the launch of a new holiday this season."Listmas" is the alternative and/or supplemental holiday. As the name suggests, Listmas will focus on abolishing the disappointment closely associated with other more traditional holidays. The true beauty of Listmas lies in its simplicity. Participants compile an exhaustive list of every expensive product they expect to receive on December 25Th. These lists are then distributed via viral marketing, post it notes, spam, text messaging, graffiti, bricks thrown through windows, junk mail, billboards, sandwich board, sky writing, subliminal suggestion, Ouija board, tarot cards, tea leaves, tattoos, carrier pigeon, even smoke signals. Creativity in list compilation and distribution is encouraged. The object is to get everything on that list by whatever means necessary. That is all there is to it.

Unlike Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa, Listmas is unencumbered by the distracting concern for others. Because Listmas is not outwardly associated with any Deity, there are no niggling religious entanglements or obligations. However, Hades, Inc. has arranged for Listmas devotees to enjoy cult status, ensuring three days paid vacation to spend time with their new stuff. Satan, President and CEO of Hades, Inc. states, "Trust me, Listmas is going to be like Christmas and your birthday combined, only way better. I'm proud to establish a holiday that is simply about getting what you deserve. Hey, don't waste another minute thinking about anyone else. Spend your time making your list and distributing it to as many people as possible. Be sure to tell them they don't love you if they fail to buy these things for you - that is just the truth. Come on, it will be fun!" Projections indicate that the simple message of Listmas will be a refreshing change of pace this holiday season.

For additional information on Listmas, please contact Plutus at Hades, Inc. Fourth Circle Division at (666) 666-6613.

Hades, Inc. has been in business for 1,000s of years and is a multi-national conglomerate with offices in every major city in the world, and then some. Under the leadership of Satan, Hades Inc. has enjoyed status as an unsurpassed leader in the consulting industry representing such notable clients as Wal-Mart, Toys-R-Us, Disney, Google, Best Buy and HSN.
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Black - Eye Friday...let's all take a step back.

Hey, Hon. Come sit down here with me a minute. You caught me feelin' a lil bit blue. I'm sheddin' some tears 'bout that poor man who got trampled to death by a crowd of 2,000 at the Wal- Mart. They put a gal 8 months pregnant along with 3 other folks in the hospital too. Looks like the lady, her baby, and the others is gone be aright. This happened up in New York, but that don't matter. Could a happend anywhere. I gaurangotdamtee you that. You jist kiddin' yourself iffin you don't thank so. This fella was 34 years old and workin' temporary as a over-night stocker at the Wal-Mart. From that sentence alone, I don't need to spell it out fer you that his life probably was not goin' accordin' to plan. I didn't know him, but I doubly doubt that is what he had in mind fer hiself. And anybody that dies from gittin' trampled to death at Wal-Mart is bound to want his money back on that. I know I would. That's a bad way to go, there.

I'm thankin' Black-Eye Friday would be a better name fer this day than Black Friday. I wouldn't shop on this day fer love nor money. Crowds really ain't my brand, even nice ones. But crowds that rip metal doors oft hinges and jist walk rite all over folks..... The idea of Black Friday is to go and buy all the crap you gone give people fer the Holidays 'cause it is on sale today. Jist come on down and buy, buy buy all you can buy, buy, buy. Well, I don't know nobody that needs nothin' that bad. Iffin they did, you should have got it fore now. Thoughtless gifts bought under duress rarely thrill me. Most of us already got so much more than we need, me included. Iffin I was Gawd, I'd consider cancelin' Christmas this year to teach folks a lesson. But, so far, it ain't up to me. Don't thank I won't speak to Him 'bout it though.

Darlin', I'm sorry I ain't bein' too much fun today. I'm jist real disappointed. I'm preachin' to the choir here. I wish I had a way to git in touch with them Wal- Mart shoppers that rip doors oft hinges and trample people to buy a Wii on sale. I been in prison enough to know their type. Nothin' is ever their fault, it's a way of life fer some. Shug, that's what makes it even more important fer us to go out of our way to be kind and patient. Give folks a break when we can, cut 'em some slack. When we're wrong, admit it. Go the extra mile- cause we can. We gone rock steady.... Those of us who is still capable of behavin' like humans need to rally now. We're becomin' like one of them endangered species. Come here and give me a hug. Now, let's mix us up some dranks and do a bit of shoppin' on line. How does that sound? You always know what to say to make me feel better, Lovebug.