Hey, Baby. ...You better git on in this trailer and hug me real hard and tight, like you mean it! Uh-Huh..that's what I'm talkin' bout. Dayum, that 's the most sincerest hug I ever felt....do it again. Shug, let me tell you somethin'... I jist 'bout worked my tail oft down to that votin' place. You know, I'm used to bein a workin' gal, but I ain't used to standin' up while I work. Shug, let me set here on the recliner while you try givin' these boots a yank, would you? All my Joons done tugged at 'em to no avail. We even greased 'em good with the WD-40. Didn't budge the boots but I do bleeve it's helpin' my rug rash. It's gone be like openin' up a can a biscuits when them suckers do come oft. Dayum, my dawgs is sure nuff barkin' now.. I stayed so long down there at them votin' booths that I done missed my regular Two Fer Toosdee gig at the Golden Rage Retirement and Funerial Home. You know my boss,Won Ton, he can be such a bast#rd to me-his own Mama! I reckon that's partly my fault. But, when I got back here, he was fit to be tied. Remind me to turn him loose in a bit, Hon.
I was tickled pank to serve this country. It really is part of my job as a modern day prophet and what not. Baby, you know how I'm one of them claustravoyants? You done seen that big ole sign up yonder at the front gates of Won Ton Estates. Mine's a limited gift. I got to have space for my powers to git a good signal. But yesterdee, I was fairly computant that we was gone make history in this here country. And, sure nuff, we did! Yeah, a few folks got bumper stickers as a constant reminder that they voted for losers. But, they can jist buy new cars. Next time, I bet they ain't gone git so slap happy.
Oh, Lawrd, Hon! I done got all relaxable settin' here with you and forgot all 'bout somethin ' needs tendin' to post haste. Guess who came draggin' her skinny tookus up the stoop last night round 3 am? Yep. Sarah Palin. Just hollerin' like an alleycat. Sometimes I regret that oath we took years ago to become bloodsisters and never foresake each other. Course, I had no idea how far she would end up pushin' me. Anyhoo, she was high as custom Dolce Gabbana. On a cryin' jag like she's the only woman who has ever runnned for Vice President of the United States and didn't git it! Sarah's got a martyr complex... specially when she's got the glug-glugs. That gal hurled all over my laptop, the keys is still stickin'. She ain't so perty when she's plastered. Come on, let's see can we git her to come out the dryer where she done passed out. We gone shut the wrinkle gaurd oft, that usually does the trick. Baby, see can you clean that crusty stuff oft Sarah's face and put some clothes on her. ......oh for the love of Gawd, brush her teeth! Won Ton, my cupcake, I will cut you loose iffin you promise to git your gamblin' buddy, Geraldine Ferraro on the phone to talk your Auntie Sarah? Won Ton, listen to Mama.... you gone tell Geraldine that you forgive her debts to you iffin she will take Sarah out of our dryer and oft my hands....do you hear me, boy?