That's a pithcer of me and ma twin, Tinsel. Does Pollock on ma shoulder make ma butt look big?

Twins Trailer Trash

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

I done got a lil behind, but I'm back with you now, Hon.

Hey, Baby. ...You better git on in this trailer and hug me real hard and tight, like you mean it! Uh-Huh..that's what I'm talkin' bout. Dayum, that 's the most sincerest hug I ever it again. Shug, let me tell you somethin'... I jist 'bout worked my tail oft down to that votin' place. You know, I'm used to bein a workin' gal, but I ain't used to standin' up while I work. Shug, let me set here on the recliner while you try givin' these boots a yank, would you? All my Joons done tugged at 'em to no avail. We even greased 'em good with the WD-40. Didn't budge the boots but I do bleeve it's helpin' my rug rash. It's gone be like openin' up a can a biscuits when them suckers do come oft. Dayum, my dawgs is sure nuff barkin' now.. I stayed so long down there at them votin' booths that I done missed my regular Two Fer Toosdee gig at the Golden Rage Retirement and Funerial Home. You know my boss,Won Ton, he can be such a bast#rd to me-his own Mama! I reckon that's partly my fault. But, when I got back here, he was fit to be tied. Remind me to turn him loose in a bit, Hon.

I was tickled pank to serve this country. It really is part of my job as a modern day prophet and what not. Baby, you know how I'm one of them claustravoyants? You done seen that big ole sign up yonder at the front gates of Won Ton Estates. Mine's a limited gift. I got to have space for my powers to git a good signal. But yesterdee, I was fairly computant that we was gone make history in this here country. And, sure nuff, we did! Yeah, a few folks got bumper stickers as a constant reminder that they voted for losers. But, they can jist buy new cars. Next time, I bet they ain't gone git so slap happy.

Oh, Lawrd, Hon! I done got all relaxable settin' here with you and forgot all 'bout somethin ' needs tendin' to post haste. Guess who came draggin' her skinny tookus up the stoop last night round 3 am? Yep. Sarah Palin. Just hollerin' like an alleycat. Sometimes I regret that oath we took years ago to become bloodsisters and never foresake each other. Course, I had no idea how far she would end up pushin' me. Anyhoo, she was high as custom Dolce Gabbana. On a cryin' jag like she's the only woman who has ever runnned for Vice President of the United States and didn't git it! Sarah's got a martyr complex... specially when she's got the glug-glugs. That gal hurled all over my laptop, the keys is still stickin'. She ain't so perty when she's plastered. Come on, let's see can we git her to come out the dryer where she done passed out. We gone shut the wrinkle gaurd oft, that usually does the trick. Baby, see can you clean that crusty stuff oft Sarah's face and put some clothes on her. ......oh for the love of Gawd, brush her teeth! Won Ton, my cupcake, I will cut you loose iffin you promise to git your gamblin' buddy, Geraldine Ferraro on the phone to talk your Auntie Sarah? Won Ton, listen to Mama.... you gone tell Geraldine that you forgive her debts to you iffin she will take Sarah out of our dryer and oft my you hear me, boy?


Da Old Man said...

Thanks for being so darn helpful. You should get a medal for bravery or something.

Anonymous said...

I'm fit to be tied, too. I brought my own rope, even. I get such a kick outta you, but I prefer your spankins. Enough double entendre. Just wanted to say you light up my life, and you know how I love to get lit up.

Bill said...

'Remind me to turn him loose hun'. See, lines like that just get me to laughing too hard to even help you tug those boots off. Shame to take em off really, they're part of history now!

eve cleveland said...

Old Man...
Honey, I am gone be there directly to pin right back on thinking bout where you want it..

eve cleveland said...

Sounds like one of my regulars up yonder, back at ya, Shug...see ya Friday at 2?

eve cleveland said...

There's my Bill,
Guess what? No. These boots may have to wear oft..Baby and me ain't havin' no luck..and I thank that's the first time we said that.
Hope that marriage of yours blows over soon, Hon...

The Offended Blogger said...

Aw, dayum, let me lend you some of my bag balm. It cures rug rash rite quick like. ;)

eve cleveland said...

We ain't soul sista's fer nothin' Darlin...fax it to me rat now.
I jist love me some home remedies.
Hello Kitties,

Chat Blanc said...

You are just the greatest! Taken care of Sarah like that in her time of drunken pity. I know who to call if ever I lose an election! :D

nikkicrumpet said...

You make me laugh even when I disagree with most of what you say lol. I should be really pissed at you but I gotta stop laughing first. And instead of taking off the bumper sticker...I added one... says "don't blame me I voted for the other guy". I figured that covers me for later when things go to chit. Besides after todays stock market loss I can't afford goo gone! Take care...and thanks for the chuckle.

Hale McKay said...

You got a lil behind? So? I'll bet it's purty jest the same.

eve cleveland said...

Feel free to fall flat on your face any time, Hon. I'm gone be there at some point to catch ya.

eve cleveland said...

Girl, you just tickle me too! You kindly remind me of me iffin I was kind and good and had made wise choices. I'm real proud of you fer comin' up with that bumper sticker idea, Shug. See, now, you aint' jist another perty face ;) I'm gone be by your house later so hide your valuables.

eve cleveland said...

Now, I sure do appreciate you comin to this here trailer. You bein' a wordsmith and all,I know it ain't easy fer ya....We don't have to talk quite so much if you don't want to.

Anna Lefler said...

Oh, always make me blow soda out ma nose!



Jeffman said...

If you could just leave the boots on until I get there, I'd be heartily grateful.

Thinkinfyou said...

You should have wore the heels,they'd been easier to cut off your feet,trust me I know!!

eve cleveland said...

Girl, that ain't what we is used to hearin' from you Hollywood types. Thanks, Darlin!

eve cleveland said...

I should a known to ax you, Sis..can I borrow your jaws of life?

eve cleveland said...

Any man that can turn back time like you can is worth a few more hours of agony.

Kristen said...

You got them boots of yet?
You could goto a jello wrestling thing and you might just wiggle...jiggle right on out of them!

eve cleveland said...

Lil K!,
Come on, Sis! That is a great idea, we can be like Lucy and Ethel when they stompped them grapes..

Aria said...

At least Sarah didn't bring her shotgun with her in that particular condition... If she puked in your dryer though, you may want to try spinnin it with some moose pelt, I hear that will get it right offa there.

eve cleveland said...

I am so glad you came by you been? Lawrd..I ain't thought bout the moose droppins till you said that. You reckon they make Moose-B-Gone? I don't thank bakin soda is gone cut it.

CowboyJoe said...

"She ain't so perty when she's plastered"
I have said that to many a buddy of mine but do they listen? Not until they want a ride or bail $$$.

Hale McKay said...

Wordsmith? Well I sure enuff kin talk some southern speechifyin' from my days a-growin' up in Wes' Virginny.

Check out this here linked innerview with an Appalachian bar owner. We wuz a-talkin' 'bout he felt 'bout our new Prezdent.

BLog No Evil

If Mama ain't happy...somebody's gonna get kilt.