That's a pithcer of me and ma twin, Tinsel. Does Pollock on ma shoulder make ma butt look big?

Twins Trailer Trash

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Can't swing a cat in a circle without hittin' the city limits here, Hon.

Baby, I hate to wake you when you lookin' so peaceful....all nekkid and twisted up on the fold out like that. But, I been thankin. You know , this here town, sometimes I jist feel like maybe it ain't big 'nuff for folks like me that is clearly destined to greatness.... I got a heap of learnin' back when I was in the circus, you been the beneficarary of quite a bit of it.... Nawww, I ain't talkin' bout the trapeze here, but we did have some good times with that. ..What I was ponderin' was this. You can't keep a tiger in a dawg pen, not even one them sturdy kind. Gawd knows I tried. It works fer a while..but one day....that tiger jist won't git back in there. Nuthin you can do to make him neither, less you ain't fond of your extremities.


I reckon what I'm tryin to say, is that I'm feelin' a bit cramped. This town's so dayam small that we ain't got but two houseflies livin' here at any given time. Darlin, in other parts of the country, 3 numbers don't make a zip code. Folks here don't git the flu so they might have an excuse to miss church. Families done nursed grudges so long that their babies is born with 'em.


Course, there are upsides to livin' in a tight knit community. All our homeless folks got nicknames and we know their mamas. There's no need for a stop sign long as the Harrison's continue livin' in their homestead on the busy corner. Melvin Turnupstood does a fine job hollerin' "STOP, BUBBA!"...."NOW, GO, MARY ELIZABETH CATHERINE MATILDA ANN!" whenever the need arises, he surely does..... just like his daddy did before him. And it is nice to have Ima Rednik, the checkout gal up to the Piggly, tell you what you done come in for. Well, I do appreciate the way that whenever tounges is waggin' bout me, they always add, "Y'all, we need to pray for her." That there is priceless.


But, I done made up my mind rat now- fore daylite. That don't happen much, since I ain't an early riser like you seem to be. Git your britches on, Honey. You and me is goin' to Vegas fer the weekend. You heard me... hop to it, Bunnytail. Awww, Darlin'...you jist as cute as you can be, but you sure ain't smart.. You thank fer a gotdam minute that jist by sayin' "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" makes it true? Baby, I tried to git that bill passed a long time ago.It's still settin' there on Capital Hill, but it is still only a bill . What I'm gone say is , "you ain't got to tell everythang you know". Grab that Charles' Chip's can oft the fridge and button your jeans for now. Nawww, this here can is full a cash. Jist one a many of my stashes, you know I don't trust banks. Real quick, Shug...get me a couple bottles of that Champale, we celebratin' this morinin'. Now, hurry for all the Joons wake up....shhhhh. This is gone be some fun. Have I told you lately that I love you, Baby? Well, I ain't got to say it.. you know good and well I do.

23 comments:

Kristen said...

You'll love Vegas. Every time I watch CSI now I can recognize one of them alleys

Jeffman said...

Vegas sounds like my kind of place. I've heard so long as you're throwing your money away on knockout whist, or whatever it is they play there, the booze is FREE!!!

I also hear there's more than just one casino. So when you've drunk the first one dry, you can always move on to the next.

Jeffman said...

Vegas sounds like my kind of place. I've heard so long as you're throwing your money away on knockout whist, or whatever it is they play there, the booze is FREE!!!

I also hear there's more than just one casino. So when you've drunk the first one dry, you can always move on to the next.

nikkicrumpet said...

Ummmm did somebody warn Vegas? Because they probably should know you're coming! And you made me smile really big with the "I love you more than bunnies" I think that might be the nicest thing anyone ever said to me! Have a great time!

Deb said...

I'll be watchin' for you on CNN as once you hit Vegas I'm sure that town will never be the same!

FANCY said...

Hello

You are like me when it come to post new post...;)

Anonymous said...

Have fun. Talk to you when ya get back...win some real cash!

eve cleveland said...

Kristen..
Girl, I can't wait! See if I'm on that show next time, this might be my big chance.
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Jeffman..
I did git a special deal passed for those of y'all from far flung countries! What happens in Vegas does stay in Vegas- if you ain't from America. I'll call you with my room number, Darlin'.
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Nikki,
Honey, keep your Iphone with you, I might need a character reference.
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Deb,
It's hard to leave when you can't find the door, Baby. But life's been good to me so far.
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Fancy!
Git your Swedish tail over here..did you hear my new rule I got for you folks in outlyin' areas? Can you swing by Jolly Old England and give Jeffman a lift for me, Darlin?
Eve

Da Old Man said...

Be careful in Vegas. I've heard tell that they have their sinful ways. You'd think a town with so many chapels would be like the Vatican, only with slot machines. I've heard they have bunny ranches, which is kind of weird. We have plenty of bunnies running free here, I can't imagine why they would need a ranch filled with them.
Have fun.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Well, have a good one. Are you going for the hooking or the gambling? Y'all want me to feed the Joons while your gone?

AngieSS said...

Well bless your little heart...hehehe

You are gonna fit right in in Vegas Sweetie -- you win big now, ya hear!

Chat Blanc said...

ohhhh, I LOVE Vegas!! Hit it hard honey! :)

John J Savo, the Authoring Auctioneer said...

Vegas won't be able to handle you, darling.

eve cleveland said...

Old Man...
Close as we are, I got some confessions to make to you. I'm gone brang some pics of me dressed like a bunny too so take your heart pills,Darlin.
Glitter!
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Nanny,
It's a lil a both! Would you mind stoppin by the trailer...you are such a peach?
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Ang...
Haha..
I won 1,000 bucks jist fer bein the 10th person to rob that shop on the way up here, Girl!
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Kitty..
You sure you dont want to come to work for me part time, Hon? Red heads do real well.
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Kitty..
You sure you dont want to come to work for me part time, Hon? Red heads do real well.
Eve

eve cleveland said...

John J.
Don't nobody handle me good as you do, Baby.
Eve

If Mama ain't happy...somebody's gonna get kilt.