That's a pithcer of me and ma twin, Tinsel. Does Pollock on ma shoulder make ma butt look big?

Twins Trailer Trash

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

K, Honey, I didn't mean you need to ALWAYS use your head













Hey, Darlin'....you o.k. this afternoon? Well, good, Sugar...that just pleases me me like punch. Me? Oh, I'm good as gold, Hon. Yeah, got a few bitch bites on me from when I was hoistin' Jitters out the tub. She's all bent out of shape 'cause she claims I left her in there so long she had to eat a bar of Zest. I hope that troll gits the trots. You know, Babe, it ain't easy bein' all things to all people. Still, that is my lot in life and Lawrd knows I ain't complainin' none. I'm just a lil weary today.
Sweetstuff, hand them Marlboros. I got somethin' I need to discuss with you. Nawww, Hon. You ain't in no type of hot water with me....less you was wantin' to be. Babe, let's do that later, after we git this talk over with. Listen, Lovebug, I'm 'fraid I might have cornfused you a bit when I put that side bar up yonder to the left there bout usin' your head. Yeah, I can see now that I should have gone into more detail. I apologize for my oversight and I fixin' to see can't I set you straight here and now. See, Hon..there are times when usin' your head is a good thang. Like in that picture up there in the corner. Now, only a fool would stand in front of an explosion and take a photo with his fancy phone. Am I right, Babe? O.K. fair enough, iffin he lived through he could stand to gain a good bit from the picture by sellin' it to one of them tabloids you xacly right..... Another day, you and I are gonna have a set down 'bout somethin' called "calculated risk". Fer today, what you say we focus on when to use your head and when not to use your head....all right, Punkin? That fella in the photo should have turned tail and rund oft - come Hell or water. He wasn't usin' his mellon to git his own self out of danger. Gawd knows we've all been there.
Then there's times when it is best NOT to use your head. I have found a few good examples, but this is by no means an exhaustive list. Still, we can learn somethin' from these gentlemen up top here. Not many people know this, but condoms are not meant to be put on your big head -ever- not even just for a joke. If you find yourself in a situation where you simply can't avoid puttin' a condom on your big head - do not spray nitrous oxide up in there too! K, Hon.... do you think you can remember that? I'm not goin' too fast for you am I , Babe? All right, 'bout the fella who ate his own underpants so he could avoid a drunk driving charge. Let me tell you from experience, that never works. Just don't waste your time on that. Now see that dude with the back of his head tattooed? I did that to him back when I had my parlour. I'm ashamed to see it now, what a crappy job! That must have been when I was strung out on Afrin. The point is, it would have been better had he not used his head.
You catchin' on, Shug? I thought you would. I tell ya what, you are sharper than most. I'm fixin' to fire up that hot tub while you watch this instructional video about one more time it's best not to use your head. When you finish, you meet me in there....there's gonna be a pop quiz.

12 comments:

Bill said...

A propane facility exploded in Toronto not long ago, Eve, and you'd be amazed at how many people stopped to take cellphone video and pics before they fled. I mean it looked and sounded like a nuclear bomb, but they still did.

I had no idea so many of your family lived in Toronto! :>)

eve cleveland said...

Bill,
Hey, Hon! Yeah, we lost a lot of good men out there....
Eve

Da Old Man said...

He beat the DUI, so then you're saying when I get all liquored up, I should eat his underwear, but not mine?

eve cleveland said...

Joe,
I'm just sayin' I don't think eatin' your depends would be worth all dat! In my case, I gnoshed my thong and it wasn't enough to absorb the alcohol. Maybe we should all just keep a spare pair of tighty whities in the glove box.... You got some funny captions on your contest today, Honey.
Eve

VE said...

I hope that one guy had Fruit of the Loom undies. The grape is the best...

eve cleveland said...

ve,
I couldn't agree more. Taste just like chicken.
Eve

Deb said...

Rocket scientists, every one them. Keep settin' 'em straight, Eve!

eve cleveland said...

My grl Deb...
Don't I know it! There are just so many good men out there...I wish I had a twin..oh wait, I do!
Eve

TheFLy said...

But my undies taste so good. Alright, I wont try it, haha. As for the condom thing, condoms just go over one head for me and thats not the one on my shoulders.

buzz buzz

eve cleveland said...

FLy,
There is no problem with eating underpants in general. Just don't count on that to get you out of a DUI. And safe sex is always important. Good boy!
Eve

Orion said...

whoa...

killed by a condom.
i can't wrap my head around it.

haha. no puns no puns.

funny.

eve cleveland said...

O,
Don't worry that perrtty lil head of yours, babe. You know when you need to use one ;)
Lovin u.
Eve

If Mama ain't happy...somebody's gonna get kilt.