That's a pithcer of me and ma twin, Tinsel. Does Pollock on ma shoulder make ma butt look big?

Twins Trailer Trash

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Children's birthday parties for fun and profit.

Well, Baby, that was some birthday party! Set here with me while I count up the money. Let's see, each of my October babies invited 70 guests. So the crowd topped out at 740. Those gotdam cops, and the frickin fire marshal and their silly "occupancy laws". "Fire Hazard" my rickety tookus. They just don't want anyone to have any fun. Hell, we've had more that 2,000 people in this trailer and still had plenty of room-it's a double wide! But I suppose I'll stick to it as long as we are under surveillance. But putting a limit on the crowd really pinched our profit. Anyhoo, with the $5 cover charge, we ended up clearing a little over a grand. Not the kind of money we're used to, but still it doesn't suck. Plus, all 7 of my honorees ended up with about $1,400 in cash and prizes. So, not bad for an afternoon. Boy, having that bulldozer made clean up a breeze! For the November Birthday Bash, I may add a couple of bucks to the cover. All my Juniors and Juniorettes are real smart and none of them picked a December birthday. You come out on the short end of that stick, believe me, they are no dummies.


Anyhoo, Darlin', I want to get your opinion on something. Now I'm counting on you to tell me the truth here. Do you remember yesterday when I was telling you how I have to run a pretty tight ship? Yeah, that's right....you are such a good listener. That's one of many things I love about you. Not many people know this but, children need rules. As a single mother with over 20 of my own kids and God knows how many more who aren't, I do know a good bit about parenting. Do you think I might help some folks if I published some of my Trailer Rules? You know, just to give parents an example of the kind of guidance their young ones need....Do you really? I don't want to sound like a know it all or anything. Well...I guess you are right about my unique experience. Are sure it doesn't sounds like I think I am Dr. Dobson or something. These are just few suggestions that have helped our household run more smoothly. O. K. I'll run them up the flagpole then. Here goes.

TRAILER RULES


1. ALWAYS PUT MAMA'S SHOTGUN BACK WHERE YOU GOT IT.

2. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO EAT A GOOD BREAKFAST, SO GET UP IN TIME TO FIX YOURSELF ONE.

3. IF YOU HAVE TO RUN WITH SCISSORS, PUT THE POINT FACING DOWN.

4. ALWAYS ASK IF YOU CAN BE PAID IN CASH.

5. IF YOU COME IN DRUNK PAST MIDNIGHT, BE QUIET.

6. ALWAYS CALL ALL OF MAMA'S MAN FRIEND'S "SIR", NEVER USE A PROPER NAME-EVER! DO YOUR BEST NOT TO SPEAK UNLESS SPOKEN TO.

7. IF YOU HAVE TO LIE, MAKE SURE IT IS A DAMN GOOD ONE. THERE IS NOTHING WORSE THAN A BAD LIAR!

8. CHOOSE YOUR TATTOOS VERY CAREFULLY.

9. NEVER MARRY ANYONE ON THE FIRST DATE.

10. ONLY ONE BIRTHDAY PER YEAR, PER CHILD.

11. DO NOT WRITE ON ANY ONE'S FACE WITH A SHARPIE.

12. THE FIRST ONE UP BRINGS MAMA A PITCHER OF BLOODY MARYS IN BED.

13. DO NOT TRY TO TALK TO MAMA UNTIL SHE HAS FINISHED HER BLOODY MARYS.

14.DO YOUR BEST TO WORK YOUR PROBLEMS OUT YOURSELF. TELL MAMA ABOUT IT ONLY AS A LAST RESORT.

So, those are just a few of the rules we have around here. I know some of them sound a little strict. But, children need well defined parameters. Try it at your trailer. I'd love to hear any parenting tips that you've found helpful too, Hon.

12 comments:

TheFLy said...

How 'bout, "dont talk when my shows are on." Or "make sure you find yourself a ride back because Ill drop you off but I aint driving back." haha

buzz buzz

eve cleveland said...

FLy,
You will make such a great dad one day! I think those are wonderful additions. Thanks.
Eve

Bill said...

The list SLAYS ME! Maybe you ought to write a REAL book. :>)

eve cleveland said...

Bill, Darlin'.....
Guess what. No. I have written a book but I don't know what to do with it. I'm thinkin bout writin another one just like this here blog. You're too sweet. What are you doin later?
Eve

Thinkinfyou said...

I must have had the sharpie talk with my kids tons of times.My youngest still has a mark on his leg from this summer.

Anonymous said...

Eve,
Your kids are probably the aggressive kind, but mine are a little passive, so my number 12 would be "Don't let anyone write on your face with a sharpie."
Milktoast

eve cleveland said...

Thinkinfyou,
Hey, Hon! So glad you came by for a visit. I love your blog! Funny Grl. You know, shaprie marks on the leg are not a bad thing! Don't beat yourself up, Babe. Any friend of Red Raider's is a friend of mine, and I am so happy to have you here.
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Milktoast,
You raise a great point for those who are raising pure D wimps. "Don't let anyone draw on your face with a Sharpie." As you said, my peeps are not the type of children we need to clarify that with.
Luck and Love, Babe...
Eve

Don said...

hmmm. sometimes i wonder what part of your head these things come from ya know? it's a curious thing...your blog. lrh

eve cleveland said...

D,
I'm lucky because I can just write about my everday life and not have to try to think of anything. It is all right there in front of me...
LRH
Eve

eve cleveland said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

Chica said...

Eve dahlin'!!! haven't been here in ages, been to busy for much of anything, glad to see ya still doin' ya thing. Love the trailer rules, and Fly has got it right when he say's "don't talk when my shows are on" That stuff irritates me, one would think I'm deaf walking into my house, when the kids are noisy and I've got the volume cranked up on the tube! lmao.

Anyhoo you take care doll, be back soon. :)

If Mama ain't happy...somebody's gonna get kilt.