That's a pithcer of me and ma twin, Tinsel. Does Pollock on ma shoulder make ma butt look big?

Twins Trailer Trash

Tuesday, September 23, 2008


Y'all know I was fixin to tote Bristol Palin to hunt for a wedding dress yesterday, remember? Let me tell you something, if there is one thing I am an expert in it's weddings! Hell, I've been married what....between 18 and 23 times myself... so I have a wealth of experience. Most of my weddings were pretty damn memorable.
Plus, I have such good luck ,that things are going along swimmingly. I thought it might be a smidge of a challenge to find a dress with Bristol's tummy blooming out. But, it is real important to Sarah that her daughter have a proper wedding. So, I promised her that I would find something that would work. We discovered the most beautiful gown at Hussey's General Store! Next time I get married, I am going there first.
You know, there has not been a better time since the '60's to be a pregnant bride! That Empire waist is so in again. It's just perfect for hiding a bun. This dress looks right pretty on her....It is strapless and fitted in the top with pearl beading all over. It has a satin ribbon around her rib cage and then flows gracefully into the Empire waistline. She won't even have to have it altered if she slows down on the raw cookie dough, Cheetos and Big Red....I am keeping an eye on those arms of hers. They've got me a bit worried. I tell her just like I tell my Juniorettes, "No man wants a fat girl, Darlin. Pregnant or not, that's just the truth."
More about the dress. You can hardly even tell that this gown has been worn several times before. I'm going to work on those pit stains when we get it back to the trailer. Did you know that Tilex is great for taking pit stains out? Most people don't. Baby, I have been sweating bullets for years and I have tried everything. Tilex works best. Just call me Heloise.
Anyhoo, while I was there at Hussey's I picked me up another shotgun. Of course, I have one at the trailer, but those kids are forever borrowing it and not putting it back. Well, this bad boy is all Mama's! Kid loaded up his F250 with beer while we were there too. You know, beer is one thing you can never have too much of. I don't think I have ever said, "I wish I had not bought all this beer!" Well, I got to get this call, it's Sarah Palin. Probably wanting an update on the dress. She will be so jazzed! Rock steady and I will holler at y'all later.


Bill said...

Enough about what the bride's going to wear. I want to know what YOU're going to wear! And will it match your shotgun?

Don said...

Yeah Eve. Like Bill said. What are you going to wear? I can make a couple of suggestions though. Just let me know!

Anonymous said...

Damn! I think that post would have been funny, but I couldn't read that tiny, tiny print!!

eve cleveland said...

Hey, Billy!
Loved Dana's post today-u genius. Hmmm I hadn't thought about matching my shot gun, but metallics are really in for Fall.
Feel free to make suggestions.

eve cleveland said...

I welcome your input, as always. The theme is red white and blue,of course.Just between you and me, I think Sarah runs this "america" stuff into the ground. She wants it all done before the election because she thinks it's great publicity. Media Whore.

eve cleveland said...

Hey Dana, I was just braggin on your site to Bill. Everbody go check it out hmmm that didn't turn blue so I don't know if it worked. I am fixing to join blogroll so hang with me. Dana,Hon, my type is big and bold like my readers. We are all so lucky as to own a pair of spectacles. Eve

Anonymous said...

Fashion suggestion: Mossy Oak makes a thong and a shotgun in their patented "Breakup" pattern. Maybe they have a gown to match. That pattern might be bad luck to wear to a wedding, though.

Ass N 9

TheFLy said...

Just make sure she has the home made Jacuzzi in the bed of a truck ready to roll for her honeymoon.

buzz buzz

Bill said...

You said 'feel free to make suggestions' which I know means you want me to choose something for you. So I found a knock off designer item - its really cheap so it'll suit you. You don't want to overshadow the bride on her big day, so its understated, but still red white and blue. Copy/paste this url to see yerself in it :>)

eve cleveland said...

Ass n 9,
I have seen coffins in the Mossy Oak break-up pattern, but I didn't know they made wedding dresses too. Thanks for the tip.

eve cleveland said...

I am so honored to have you here! y'all, this is another one of my humor blogger friends. Oh, yeah, we are gonna fix up a swimming hole in the back of Kid's F250. I've got a pick of that somewhere.
Thanks for buzzing by!

eve cleveland said...

You spoil me rotten! I can't wait to try the dress on. Just let me rinse off this Crisco-I let Kracker grease me up. I can't say no to that man.

nick-knack-shack said...

well if there was a shotgun involved i dont guess it really matters what she wears ,just go grab the beer and make the most of it lol.

If Mama ain't happy...somebody's gonna get kilt.