Y'all know I was fixin to tote Bristol Palin to hunt for a wedding dress yesterday, remember? Let me tell you something, if there is one thing I am an expert in it's weddings! Hell, I've been married what....between 18 and 23 times myself... so I have a wealth of experience. Most of my weddings were pretty damn memorable.
Plus, I have such good luck ,that things are going along swimmingly. I thought it might be a smidge of a challenge to find a dress with Bristol's tummy blooming out. But, it is real important to Sarah that her daughter have a proper wedding. So, I promised her that I would find something that would work. We discovered the most beautiful gown at Hussey's General Store! Next time I get married, I am going there first.
You know, there has not been a better time since the '60's to be a pregnant bride! That Empire waist is so in again. It's just perfect for hiding a bun. This dress looks right pretty on her....It is strapless and fitted in the top with pearl beading all over. It has a satin ribbon around her rib cage and then flows gracefully into the Empire waistline. She won't even have to have it altered if she slows down on the raw cookie dough, Cheetos and Big Red....I am keeping an eye on those arms of hers. They've got me a bit worried. I tell her just like I tell my Juniorettes, "No man wants a fat girl, Darlin. Pregnant or not, that's just the truth."
More about the dress. You can hardly even tell that this gown has been worn several times before. I'm going to work on those pit stains when we get it back to the trailer. Did you know that Tilex is great for taking pit stains out? Most people don't. Baby, I have been sweating bullets for years and I have tried everything. Tilex works best. Just call me Heloise.
Anyhoo, while I was there at Hussey's I picked me up another shotgun. Of course, I have one at the trailer, but those kids are forever borrowing it and not putting it back. Well, this bad boy is all Mama's! Kid loaded up his F250 with beer while we were there too. You know, beer is one thing you can never have too much of. I don't think I have ever said, "I wish I had not bought all this beer!" Well, I got to get this call, it's Sarah Palin. Probably wanting an update on the dress. She will be so jazzed! Rock steady and I will holler at y'all later.