That's a pithcer of me and ma twin, Tinsel. Does Pollock on ma shoulder make ma butt look big?

Twins Trailer Trash

Friday, September 19, 2008

Guess who's coming to dinner. No.

I'll tell y'all what.....that Jitters is wearing me out! Pollock and I have been swabbing these decks all day, working our tails off. Kid and Kracker aren't even out of the bunk beds yet, those lazy sons of b@tches. Jitters keeps calling me and worrying me to death. I have to go over to her house and cut the light switch on when she wants to go into a room. Then I have to drag my raggedy a#s back over there to cut it off when she wants to leave the room . And now...because her belly is so damn big, I have to go and put her in the tub and get her out when she's done. Don't get me started about when she wants to get in her kitchen cabinets for a snack. She needs to lay off the Fritos anyway. I know she can't reach these things being a midget and all-but why can't she buy a stepladder? Why? Because she doesn't need one-she has me. I hate that frickin troll doll.
Anyhoo, y'all remember a few weeks ago when I was on that business trip where I traveled back in time and hung out with Attila the Hun? (I have not heard from him since. Men are such jerks.) I think I mentioned to you that my Juniors shot that dude who bought my soul at the garage sale. Yeah, he wanted his money back and commenced to carrying on. Then he turned out to be a big Kid Rock fan and passed out in our dryer for weeks. I know these kinds of things happen all the time to everyone. But you cannot sneak up on my kids! They are very jumpy people. He scared the bajeezus out of them when he came out and they killed him. Not such a big deal, really. They told me that they took care of the body and I believed them.
Well, I just went to try to start cleaning out the deep freezer and guess what! No. Those yahoos put the corpse in the deep freeze. Have I taught them nothing? I fired up the electric knife but it 's just not going to cut it. Jitters is ready for me to come get her out of the tub and I am going to borrow her wood chipper without asking. She is so gotdam nosy, I don't need her poking around in this. That freezer space has got to be cleared right now. I've done a bunch of cooking for when Tinsel gets here. This is not how I wanted to spend my Friday night AND I just pressure washed the kitchen. After I get those Juniors from school I am going to kick their tails to Tupelo for this!

6 comments:

Don said...

Please write a list of Characters and their descriptions. Just a cast would do, but geez Eve...I'm spending as much time trying to figure these people out than I am actually reading! :)

Bill said...

You remind me of my Mother. How sad is that? No offense mind, wouldn't want YOU mad at me! LOL Love the new Cast O'Characters!

eve cleveland said...

Bill,
Would that be the same mother who bolted on you as a teeny baby? How sweet! Thanks! Cast o' Characters was Don's idea. Y'all need a road map too?
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Don,
God, you have the best ideas! You know I'd do anything for you , Baby. Here it is. I should have included you;).
Heart,
Eve

Chica said...

Oh goodness, I love the idea of the cast of characters, because frankly I had no idea who or what you were talking about before, now I feel like I'm in the loop! :)

eve cleveland said...

Chica!
Hey,Girl! Don has the best ideas. Maybe it will make more sense now.
Loving,
eve

If Mama ain't happy...somebody's gonna get kilt.