Hey, Hon. Git your cute self on in this trailer and give me a hug. Baby 2.0 was jist fixin' up another batch of egg nog. He will fetch you a mug. Delicious, ain't it? That tainted baby formula from China is the secret ingredient. And you can pick that stuff up fer next to nothin' now. It's been a real blessing fer us. How you doin', Darlin? You sure lookin' good. Aww, I'm better since I took a fist full of my nerve pills and knocked bag a few cups of this magic here. Pass me them Marlboros, would you, Shug?I'm aright, it's jist that Jitters had set me oft again. I ain't braggin' 'cause it's true....most folks wouldn't be strong enough to bear the cross she is to me. I admire my strength. I'm gone be honest, it does wear on me at times. Hon, you don't remember how I met Jitters? If only I could forget. What had happened was.....When I left home to become a lion tamer in the circus, Jitters was one of my bunk mates. Yep, she's been a midget as long as I've known her. Jitters' job was to git shot out of a cannon 4 times a day. I was young and I reckon I was a lil naive then. Being raised by wolves don't prepare you fer the real world as good as you would think. Anyhoo, the Ring Master soon became the first of my 18 to 23 husbands. A few hours into our marriage, I realized that he was one of them real controlling types. That really ain't my brand. Shortly there after, he got his self murdered. I was acquitted, largely due to Jitters' testimony. Not a day has gone by that she don't throw that in my face. So, Jitters is my albatross. I am forced to do her biddin' as long as she waddles this earth. It's like drinkin' cheap tequila on a empty stomach. Thank Gawd, she has gotten suicidal here lately. You know, I'm tryin' to help her accomplish her goal. That's what friends is for, right?
What's that, Darlin'? Aw, that there is Jitters' dawg. Ain't it the ugliest damn thing you ever saw?As you can see, it ain't trailer broke yet. She paid high dollar fer it too. Got it from some high-falutin' breeder in Oktibeha County. It's fancy mix they call a "bull-shitz". I jist call it plain wrong. Why am I takin' care of Jitters' dawg? Oh, Shug, she's recoverin' from surgery. Jitters had to have a hula-hoop -ectomy. I did my bestest to cut that sucker oft her with my 'lectric carvin' knife. Course, she would not holt still. It got perty messy. On the way to the emergency room, she was hangin' her head out the window to feel the wind on her face, like usual. I slammed on the brakes as hard as I could mash 'em. I hadn't seen her fly like that without a cannon. I was feelin' real good about it but, no luck, she's still livin'. Took 6 fireman to git her out the top of that tree over yonder. At least she's gone have to stay in traction a while, that's the bright side. Next time, I will try that when we go 'round a curve. Live and learn.
I'm prayin' that Jitters' triplets ain't gone be delivered early. She's still on a COBRA policy from Hooter's. This doctor she's goin' too don't seem to have a whole lot of wattage. I didn't see nothin' but vet school diplomas on this fella's wall. He can't even tell me iffin them babies is gone be midgets or not. Says he needs some information on the father. Well, Jitters and a real stickler fer details. But I'm gittin' tight on space 'round here and I'd like to be able to plan. Midget triplets, that there is what I call a real good investment. I painted that old dresser pale yellow and put Disney decals all over it. Then I and outfitted all three drawers with lil mattresses. So, the nursery is ready. All we can do is wait now, and hope for the best. Looks like you 'bout ready fer some more egg nog. It really can be habit formin. Don't worry, there is plenty more where that came from.
