That's a pithcer of me and ma twin, Tinsel. Does Pollock on ma shoulder make ma butt look big?

Twins Trailer Trash

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

WtF wEdNesDeE?

Hey, Hon, I was jist thinkin' bout you! Sure enough, I was fixin' to give you a buzz. You always stop by at the right time. Aww, you like the new doorbell? Good, cause I got one fer you too! Folks around here has run me down nine miles of bad road and back. They 'bout knocked the shiny oft me. Let's git Baby 2.o to mix us up some Gin and juice, then we can have us a nice visit. Yep, Baby 2.0 is nice to have around. Thanks, Hon, he does look good on me, don't he? He's workin' out just fine, that there was one of my better ideas.

All the Joons is out back whackin' at WD-40 cans and playin' dodge the ice pic. So, they shouldn't bother us none for a while. Tell me how you been doin' and don't leave nothin' out. Your mama and them aright? I saw she cut her Christmas lights on. Real perty. You know, she is smart jist to leave all her decorations up all year. Tell her I asked bout her. Hope the swellin' has gone down in her ankles some and her hair is growin' back. How'd Bubba, Jr.s' parole hearin' go? Well, you holler at me soon as y'all hear.

Oh, Lawrd, Satan's still ringing my phone out my pocket. Turns out a slew of them dyslexic peoples signed up for Listmas. They thought they was loggin' onto one of Santa's websites where you was garanteed to git everythang you want. People magazine said readin' stuff wrong is a part of bein' dyslexic and Cher is one of 'em. "Satan" and "Santa" ain't far oft even fer folks that can read good. It's a big mix up but, what do you expect from the author of confusion? I know he did it on purpose, put pictures of Santa all over the website. Hell no, he's not gone let the dyslexics out of their contracts. He said no body reads the fine print, but these folks was jist a bonus. I know, Darlin', Satan is mean. He did say fer me to be sure and tell you hello and that he's real lonely. Don't fall fer it.

Hey, Hon. Let me ask you somethin'. A lot of my blogger friends got lil games they play on certain days of the week. You know, caption contests and what not. Bein' that I ain't real computer literate, I'm kindly limited on the fun we can have here. But, I been studyin' on a new idea. You tell me how you like it and be truthful now. I was gone call it "WTF Wednesdee?" I figured I could usually post it on Wednesdees, but that ain't cast in stone. Maybe I'm the only one who's got thoughts that rattle around in my mind like loose change in the dryer. What if nobody else has anything that makes 'em say "WTF?" several hundred times a day.? WTF would be up with that? Well, let's jist run it up the flagpole and see....

  • PeOPle WhO aRe TyPinG LiKe ThIs. hAS AnYoNE SeEn iT bUt mE? HeLp mE uNdErsTaNd WtF iS gOinG oN hErE.

  • LOLCats. I know I'm gone be steppin' on some paws here, but they don't make me LOL. Maybe, chuckle to myself. CTMCats, that's better.

  • Folks who want to go on and on 'bout their busy-ness. When did bein' busy become a contest? I'd like to go on record as sayin', "You win, you are so much busier than me! No need to provide me any proof."

  • Directory assistance. When I call 411 it is 'cause I am too lazy to look up a phone number in the book. Now that robot lady is gettin' so chatty with all her questions, she 'bout to be more trouble than she's worth.

  • Christmas cards that is sent with the sole purpose of makin' the recipient feel like an ugly, loser livin' it abject poverty. Iffin you don't know what I'm talkin' bout, maybe you is one of the folks who send 'em out. That is one I'm gone leave y'all to ponder. I done read it 4 times and I still don't understand. That's my short list fer the first "WTF Wednesdee". Y'all got anything to tell me, brang it on. It's open season on WTF.


Chica said...

Hrmm. something that makes me go WTF... I'd have to say the doorknob deer bum. That made me go WTF? LOL

Da Old Man said...

CTMCats. I love that.
And as for the Second Life story--WTF?

Lidian said...

I agree with all of the above! And you made me LOL, too.

Dr Zibbs said...

Hahaha. Classic.

Dano MacNamarrah said...

OK, so I am seriously overweight, so I know that there are things that I should NEVER be seen in, even by Baby Jesus. For all my Big Sisters out there, why do you:

1) Wear tight, light pants/sweats that cling to every dimple in your cellulite and every extra roll?

2) Think that squeezing yourself into a smaller size will make you look smaller?

3) Like in point two, wear a bra that gives you quadra-boobs?

4) Or worse, not wear a bra at all?


nikkicrumpet said...

HAH ya got me laughing with this started with the doorbell and didn't quit through the whole post. I'm liking your Weds. Idea!!

Jeffman said...

If I wasn't too busy I'd agree with all the above. But needs must, and this raft isn't going to build itself. I shall be across the Atlantic to hand deliver my Christmas card to you post-haste.

Not The Rockefellers said...

Oh Eve, now that it is Christmas Pageant time people are losing they damn minds. It chaps my ass when I see what folks is putting they younguns in to trot up an see the Baby Jesus.

You should have seen it Eve. It looked like a bad Christmas variety show. Sumptin' like The Pussycat Dolls Christmas Spectacular.

Lookit I know alot of people visited the tyke but I don't recall any pole dancers being there.

Just sad, girl, sad , sad ,sad.

Peace - Rene

Deb said...

Love the WTF Wednesdee idea! Don't know how you can contain it to just Wednesdees 'cause I have WTF moments pretty much all day long.

John J Savo, the Authoring Auctioneer said...

If those people are so busy, how do they find time to write blog posts about being busy?

Anonymous said...

Eve that doorbell is to die for! You have outdone yourself sister! I absolutely love it and cannot stop laughing.

I think I just peed a little.

Thanks Eve!!!

ettarose said...

Eve, I really think you need the towel holder on my Christmas gift idea post. They would go together pretty good. I love the WTF Wednesday!

ettarose said...

Eve, I really think you need the towel holder on my Christmas gift idea post. They would go together pretty good. I love the WTF Wednesday!

Kristen said...

WTF Wednesdee is a great idea

I couldn't even stand to read the whole second life marriage thing because I'm sure hoping theres a better solution in my second life then marriage WTF

Anndi said...

Our directory assistance is someone in a dank hovel in Bangladesh.

Mc Allen said...

I just spit out ma coffee , your door deer is completely original...(to say the least) you seriously need to market these!! Love this post!!!! LA

Fida said...

Really! I follow your blog for a while now and I need ages to finish each post because I LOL, actually it's more a like scramming, and you make me hit my hand on my desk which doesn't help to stop the screaming - and I still come back for more. What am I - a masochist? WTF or not - just keep going.
Wish I were born with half your wit!

AngieSS said...

Things that make me go wtf?

A blogger doin' a post called Wtf Wednesdee on Tuesday...hehehehe

I love the doorbell, though I think when I come over I will definitely knock. :o)

Dano MacNamarrah said...

Listen Eve,

I know that I sort of hoped, then figured out, that we are related through a recessive gene. But, light of my life, your Christmas present may be a tad late.

And NOOO, it's not 'coz I'm waiting for Boxing Day sales. That day is devoted to eating "Bloody Bubble'n'Squeak", which you may need the old family recipe for.

And NOOO, it's not 'coz I rolled all my not-so-spare-change and bought my C*nt (pick a, e ,i, o, or u) of a birth sister a pre-paid phone, in case she ever wants to speak to me.

And NOOO, it's not because I took said change and bought myself the Hitachi Magic Wand, or the "rabbit" vibrator.

No, my distant sister, it's 'coz I need to get into my neighbour Mike's house. Now he seems all sorts of nice, with his wife Karen, and their two joonz, but I know better.

See, a while back, he gave me the "house tour". One set of rooms in particular, were memorable, despite GI Gin, psych meds and cigarettes. He was very proud of his construction work, in sistering rotted joists together.

Me? I was glomming on the stuffed two-headed deer the first room contained. Glass eyes 'n' all! Now Mike explained that as a poor artist, he'd done some work for a taxidermist, which is how he was able to stuff his prized two-faced deer.

He has also done some glass casts, using some of the "forms" that people who taxidermy use. In fact, I bought one of them for Cricket, because she loved the ones he had displayed in his front window.

I'll try and photo that too, but shiny glass is not my forte. But the two-headed deer? Sweet-pea, you need a poster size picture of it for the trailer!

It's better than paint-on-velvet, winky Jesus and all the framed sayings combined! I mean, it's real, it's thematic and it is rarer than a sushi roll.

But, it may take some time for me to topple him with tipple and pop the picture of this double-deer. It may be a week, before I get him when the wife and kids are gone, but I'm getting ready!

I'm clearing the memory card from my camera of crap like my murals, my dead cat Hello Newman and the freaky, intermittent skin condition I thought my doctor should see. I need all 300 exposures ready to go.

Because, if the last time he showed me two-headed deer, glass taxidermy art and gave me a few church pews, (oh, I forgot that part before), then who knows what another evening of Mad Dog and Ripple holds.

So, in light of the fact that anticipation is half of the joy, I'm telling you about your gift. Because who but you more deserves a poster-sized picture of a two-headed deer?

Anonymous said...

I don't know if I deserve a spankin' or not, but I think I came up with the idea for WTF Wednesday first or was it Jormengrund @ Yet Another Day in Paradise. I'm sure no one else in the blogosphere has ever thought this up. ;) All a round about way of saying, I think it's a great idea. The more of us, the merrier.

JPack said...

haha...i just found your blog, so maybe i need a spanking for just now finding it. Very nice and very truthful!

I hAtE wHeN pEoPlE tYpE lIkE tHiS

If Mama ain't happy...somebody's gonna get kilt.