That's a pithcer of me and ma twin, Tinsel. Does Pollock on ma shoulder make ma butt look big?

Twins Trailer Trash

Friday, November 7, 2008

Stop, Glock, n Roll...



Darlin, it's gone be real good for us to git out of town , jist the the two of us...I thank you done felt that already. We don't get the opportunity to do this much- less it's headin' to the county line on Sundees. While you're drivin', Hon, I need to discuss somethin' with you. Now, I ain't tryin' to be critical, you hear me? Shug, but, there ain't nothin but confection behind that gorgeous face of yours. You are sweet as you can be...but you got no head fer bidness. Lucky fer you, that ain't why I need your head.

Me and you has touched on this a few times... not with the lights on. This here relationship is based on the premise that you ain't got the sense Gawd gave a goat, Shug. (Sorry, Nanny!) Baby, you is doubtless the best lookin' son of a b#tch I have ever had the pleasure of knowin'- a thang of beauty, and a joy to behold. I find you most attractive when you go as long as you can without talkin'. Plus, you is real good 'bout obeyin me- and that there is the smartest thang you can do. Darlin', I got it so bad fer you, that I find your idiocy endearin'. You know, I work my tail oft and I am a very successful and wealthy bidness woman. Havin' you makes me happy and I think I deserve that. You are somethin' nice I do fer myself.

I reckon I love you unconditional. And, I'm gone give you a free ride- long as you continue to take my breathe away every time I lay eyes on you and make keep makin' my heart skip a couple beats when you move....and you keep doin' what I tell you to at all times. Yep, what you and me got is somethin' real special. The technical term is a "win-win". You maintain this high volatage grin on my face and it saves you the complication of havin' to find gainful employment..... Do I need to remind you that your skill set, combined with your narcolepsy would make that an order damn near tall as you are, Baby?

See, like B.B. King said, I'm payin' the cost to be the boss. Lots a men have killed to be in the position you are is now, Honey. Havin' said all that. I don't ask real complicated thangs of you, do I, Shug? Oh, aright , but when I do, I show you how to do 'em. Yep, you did mighty fine job of puttin' the seat down on the toilet, Sweetheart. I'm gone thank you proper fer that in jist a minute.

But look here, this is 'bout when we are on a road trip like we is now. Baby, when I tell you to pull over at any type of store on the highway your lil ears need to perk up. First of all, that means that I need to powder my nose. And B., it means that I am 'bout to commit a felony. Fer example, back yonder. That lil container of black shoe polish I took in was for the surveillance camera lens, not my shoes...Honey, these platforms is platinum! You jist ain't real observant.

Here's what I need you to remember, Baby...I can tattoo it on you iffin I have to. When I come out of the place with my glock jammed in my thong .... and a Jerry's Kids Bucket stuffed with cash, hollerin' like Yosemite Sam - it ain't a good time to ask me to go back in the store and and git you a box of Junior Mints. I did it that time, Hon. But I worry, 'cause I got it so bad fer you that you impair my judgement. Listen to me...I am the brains behind this operation. You don't think and it's better fer us both iffin we keep it that way. Baby, I don't want to be too rough on you. There are so many thangs that you are good at. I would post 'em all ififin it wouldn't git me rated. It's jist that bein' smart ain't one of em. So, you let me do the thankin round here. And you jist look good and make me happy, how does that sound? We are are almost to Vegas now, Baby. Got us a suite comped at the Wynn. You take a lil nap, cause when we git there, I'm gone need you to stay up a while.

14 comments:

nikkicrumpet said...

But Junior mints are REAL important. Hope you're traveling safe...I called the Mayor and let him know you're coming...they've doubled the guards.

John J Savo, the Authoring Auctioneer said...

Oh, boy! Sounds like you got nothing but a dildo with a pulse there, darling.

FANCY said...

my glock jammed in my thong
*LOL* - I still smiling when I write this comment.

Lidian said...

What a fun trip you are having...Can't wait to hear what happens in Vegas.

And now I wish I had some Junior Mints.

eve cleveland said...

Nikki...
I can always count on you,Sis! And you know I got your back, don't ya?
More than bunnies with frosting,
Eve

eve cleveland said...

John J,
Yep, next time we git together, I need you to tell me what this thang is worth.
Eve

eve cleveland said...

Fancy,
Now, take your time when you pack it!
Eve

eve cleveland said...

L...
I will git you some Junior Mints, long as you ask fer em before I commit the felony.
Eve

rusty said...

Them their platforms is platinum, he best be preciatin what kind of a good womun he got there in that there mo-tell room...

Da Old Man said...

Sounds like getting there is half the fun, Miss Eve.

Deb said...

Hope you practiced running fast in those platinum platforms, Eve!

Kirsten said...

I like that you keep your man in check!
I can't wait to hear what happens in vegas!

Kristen said...

When you run out of shoe polish get some spray paint. It's faster and gives you time to stop and shop when needed.

Jeffman said...

I hope he's ready to take the rap if any pesky police come knocking. Especially as I'm still very much looking forward to seeing those legendary stars and stripes boots in person. And the platinum platforms, of course.

If Mama ain't happy...somebody's gonna get kilt.