Hey, Hon! Git in this trailer and let me hug your neck. It's mighty sweet of you to swing by and keep me company while I'm cookin'. Pass me that ashtray, would you, Darlin? Thank you, Babe...and that bottle of gin too...I sure 'preciate you. I was kindly lonely fore you got here. You is right, Pollock is real handy in the kitchen and monkey in a barrel is a whole lot of fun. He made that nanner puddin' all by hiself. He's real popular round here and I'm glad he's made so many friends. But, monkeys jist can't talk, no matter how hard they try. Look at him over there, fryin' that bacon and sippin' on a Pabst. Is he not the cutest dang thang you ever saw? I jist wish he could do more than sign language and write notes.
Hon, you need to say "Hey" to Baby 2.0 over yonder. Now, Shug, you can't git offended when he don't speak to you......remember the weed eater accident? He can't talk, you know that. But he hears like a bat and he is burnin' up that dry erase board. Look a there, he's scribblin' to you. It's jist kindly quite when all my Joons is out and it's only Baby 2.0, Pollock and me. I'm so glad you stopped by. I know......I don't git bored of lookin' at him neither. Baby 2.0 don't give me one bit of backtalk and he never interrupts me. I love him unconditional, on account of his looks, jist like I did his brother. Till that day he got on my last bald nerve comin' back from Vegas.
So, you want to know what's on the menu for our Thanksgivin' feast? It's the usual fare, same as all folks crost the world is cookin' right now fer their broods. Help me with another headcount right qwick... I got upwards of 20 of my own children. Plus all the people that stay with me till they figure out their callin' and feel motivated to find a niche in life. And all our tenants here at the Won Ton Estates and their family members that is not incarcerated. Then there's all my employees from me and Won Ton's various bidness. Plus all my gals from The Pony, I always include them 'cause strippers git left out of a lot of holidays. So, I got to prepare fer 'bout 13, 462 in all, give or take. I don't know fer sure. And we'll have sundries the cat drags in. Makes it hard to plan. I would hate to run out of food.
Well, last night, my Juniors and Juniorettes helped me fix a big batch of our favorite party mix. Yep, the one with the toasted, broken light bulbs and spicy packin' peanuts. I'll set a lil dish out fer you to snack on now, Shug. It goes real good with Tickled Pank to wash it down..here's a bottle of that and a straw. Oh, all the Joons went out to hunt squirrels, you'll git to visit with 'em shortly. I got the crock pots fired up and ready to go here fer when they come be-boppin' in. I hope all the good squirrels wasn't gotten already, them kids hem-hawed 'round so long.
Anyhoo, we is gone have the other traditional items such as Balonyee Pie, Caramelized Pork Rinds, Chicken Feet (fer luck), bar soap, Big Red Soda, Frito crispy treats, Spamscicles and Underwood Deviled Eggs. Fer the vegetables we got Jello Pool Salad. Kid Rock and Kracker is fixin' that out at the pool, of course. Jitters will be here, as usual. Do you know what that gotdam troll of a albatross has gone and done now? Got herself stuck in a hoola-hoop. Oh, it ain't hard when you is big as a barn like she is. Well, I know she's a midget, but I mean wide as a barn. I hate her like head lice. She's been pesterin' a blister on me to come to her dollhouse and and git the thang oft her. I told her it can wait till she comes over here. Why won't she jist take my offers of assisted suicide? She'd rather stay on this Earth and try to mire me in her misery, that frickin' tar baby. Course, she's gone brang her signature dish, Poke Roll and Grit. Want her recipe? It's real easy. Poke your bottom lip out, roll your eyes and grit your teeth. That's all she ever shows up with.
Well, Darlin'. You talked me through gittin' all that cooked up. My work here is done. Let's you and me go relax. ...Baby 2.o, will you make my friend and me here a thermos of Jack and Coke and brang it down to the pool, Shug? We gone supervise Kid and Kracker on that salad. Oh, and will you build us a fire in the pit too....and fetch us some blankets? And when the Joons git back will you put all them squirrels in the crock pots fer me? Thank you, Baby 2.o, I love you way more than I ever loved your brother.